Regression SUCKS

Yes – I said it. Regressions sucks.

Seeing my son who works so hard everyday lose skills and gain more anxiety is one of the most difficult aspects of this journey.

He works so hard for each and every skill he has and to see one of them disappear is heart wrenching.

We are currently in the mist of regression. When Jayden gets into a regression it seems to last months and it takes nearly everything inside of us to bring him out of it.

Luckily each time his team has been able to reteach him and progress past where the regression began but each and every time, I am scared that the skills will never come back.

Jayden works diligently with a smile on his face. He tries his very best to do whatever it is he is being asked.

Truthfully, he wants to do what is asked so he can regain access to his book, puzzles, movies and his iPad.

He is very strategic and smart but communication is especially hard for him. We use and ACC device but since Jayden has the ability to speak, he lately has been using his voice more and device less.

He was very fluent in his speech device which I have noticed he is no longer as savvy with it as he once was.

In turn I have been spending nights trying to become fluent with the device and all he different screens.

It is like learning a new language, but as always, we are up for the challenge (most of the time).

This regression has been different than other regressions we have had in the past.

It seems like certain areas he is regressing more than ever and in other areas I would describe his behavior has thriving.

Regression and thriving in the same sentence, yes, that what this Autism world has thrown at me the last few months.

Jayden although in the mist of one of his biggest regression is flourishing in areas that he does not usually do well in.

He is trying new foods, he is becoming more patient, he seems less anxious in his home, he is leaving his comfort zone and even engaging and welcoming others into his own little world.

I feel like I am stuck in the saying you take the good with the bad, except I want the good minus all the regression. I am jealous of all those who do not have to battle constant regression and regaining of skills.

I try to be grateful all the time for all the good things in our world, but it is so much easier said than done.

Being a mom of both a neurotypical son and a son on the Autism spectrum has me feeling like I have one foot in one world and the other foot in another universe.

I long for the day Jayden and I can have a conversation that is more than I want to watch a video, I want to eat/drink or I want a person.

I pray we progress beyond the communication we have today but I have come to place where I accept it. I accept that Jayden and I may never have that conversation and I am grateful that he knows I am his mommy and he can say I Love You to me (even if he is repeating it like a parrot).

Regressions affects out entire family.

I want to go scream at someone about how unfair it is that he works so hard and still struggles. My son Jaxon longs for a brother that will play with him in the traditional manner.

My husband (who is Jayden’s person) longs for a time he can exist in our home without a 65lb seven-year-old attached to him. Literally attached.

As hard as it is, I am gearing up to fight this regression as I have every other one, we have faced in the past.

I wanted to end with some of the positives we have seen despite the regression.

Jayden has tried a crazy amount a new food this month. Juice with Aloe in it, sliced bread (instead of just hot dog buns yay), and mozzarella cheese sticks.

We also started adding a pasta with added protein into his vegie pasta with no issues and him not returning it to us.

He tolerance levels have let us leave our home and take him along on shopping trips where is stayed in the cart or walked the majority of the time.

Last night my husband finally said that we need to do something as a family and I planned our evening.

Of course, my Autism mom brain flashes every scenario that could happen and I immediately am excited but nervous.

Excited because we need to get out to the community more, we need more than to just be prisoners in our home.

So, our adventure to Medieval Times began and ended with a lot of smiles and Jayden becoming a lord.

I never thought we would be able to have family nights like that so as I fight the regression, I am going to grateful for the areas he is flourish in.

Written by, Kirby Morgan

My name is Kirby and I am the mom to two amazing little boys Jayden who is seven, Jaxon who is four and I have a have one bonus daughter Kayla who is seventeen from my husband’s previous marriage. My son Jayden was diagnosed with Autism at two years and four months old. I was pregnant with Jaxon when I received Jayden’s diagnosis and Jaxon was born four months after Jayden’s diagnosis. You can follow our journey at Beyond Autism Jayden’s Journey.

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