Thank you for being You

I want to thank you kid. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

I want to thank you for being you.

This morning I dropped you off for your first day at an all-day play program.

You had never been there before. You didn’t know what to expect.

I promised games and kids and fun. But I could tell you were a little nervous.

On the drive over you were so excited to have a lunch packed. That was a huge deal to you.

As usual you were peppering me with the most delightfully random questions.

You asked me about the earth.

Specifically, if we dug far enough would we come out the other side.

You asked me about being old. And what that felt like. (Nice zinger kid)

You told me that Polar Bears have no natural born predators. And that Kangaroos have pouches.

You asked me if you could be on Spring Break forever.

You also asked me if the kids at the play program will like you and if you will make friends.

I reassured you that you would.

I told you that all kids get nervous about new things. And to just say hi and smile.

As we parked you unbuckled your seatbelt. Gathered up your bag, lunch and snow clothes and smiled at me and said…’I’m not scared anymore mom.’

You amaze me kid.

And in we walked. Holding hands.

You were skipping. And jumping. I had the baby in my other arm. I wanted to tell you to settle down. That I was tired. But I didn’t.

You were all smiles. Nervous and excited.

You of course fell down in a puddle. Because that’s what little boys do.

You popped up and said, ‘Woah, be careful mama. Little ice there.’

When we entered the building I watched your eyes get huge taking it all in.

Kids playing Twister. Coloring. Playing Tag. Some kids were dancing. Almost all were laughing.

This was your heaven.

You calmly set your stuff down and ran off.

You had a friend within 2 seconds.

I called you back for a hug.

You smiled and obliged. You whispered in my ear, ‘I’m going to tell them I have a baby brother.’ And, ‘If I get scared mama I will call you.’

As I was checking you in someone blew a whistle.

I turned to see all the kids running to sit in a circle.

I’m always amazed at organized chaos.

It’s a beautiful thing.

And then I was gone. Down to one kid.

I want to thank you Sawyer.

Thank you for being you.

Thank you for being busy. And active.

Thank you for keeping me on my toes. And asking me a million questions.

Thank you for driving me absolutely crazy. And pushing me over the edge when I am at my breaking point.

And then bringing me back with that dimple of yours.

I want to thank you for being easy. For being simple.

Sometimes so easy I worry that I am not doing enough for you.

There are no endless phone calls from school about your change in behavior. No never ending paperwork or doctors appointments. No meetings.

Instead your days are filled with sports, friends and activities.

At the end of the day your bookbag is full of drawings and toys. The house is filled with stories of your day.

I want you to know that I feel the most guilt for you when I am exhausted as a mother. You are just so special. So treasured.

And when I’m exhausted from being up all night with the baby or worried over your brother, you are the one I think about.

You need so little. And you are just so easy.

I don’t know if I will ever be able to fully let you know how much I love you.

Watching you grow up, and experiencing every milestone with you, is my everything.

I often say you are an old soul. You feel everything so deeply. You think about everything. You notice everything.

The other day you asked me if your brother loves you. If he knows that you are here.

And then later that night, when he grabbed your hand to go to bed, you smiled at me and shouted, ‘He sees me mama!’

And up the stairs you two walked.

One with his hands full of blankets, photos, greeting cards and Pokémon cards. He refuses to go to bed with out you Sawyer. And while I know that won’t last forever, you will eventually grow up, I want you to know it is my everything right now.

And you following behind.

Shouting down the stairs, ‘Mama, he has my Pokémon cards again. And my art project that I made for you. You promised me you would watch him! I guess he can have it.’

Those are the moments kid.

My heart is full.

I want you to know Sawyer that I love you and your brothers the same. The three of you make up my whole entire world. Each so perfect in different ways.

But you kid. You are an absolute treasure.

And I can never thank you enough for being you.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.