How Can I Help During a Meltdown?

One of the most helpless times for me as a mom is when my son is having a meltdown publicly.

My attention and focus turn 100% to him.

I drop what I am doing. Quite literally. If I am holding a purse or a coffee I drop it.

My son is a runner so I know that I need to chase him. Until he falls to the ground. And then I have to try and keep his head safe, and get him outside.

I try to do this with minimal damage all around.

My only goal and purpose is to keep my son safe from harm. And get him safely removed from the situation.

When he was 2 and 3, this was easier. He was lighter. He wasn’t as strong.

But then I added a second and third baby into the mix.

And my son grew into an 80 pound big kid. I could no longer drop everything. And I most certainly could not throw him over my shoulder.

It’s in these extreme moments that I have felt the most helpless as a mother

And too make it worse, I’ve felt like I was doing it under a microscope.

I was tackling my hardest parenting moments with an audience.

The stares from curious and judgmental bystanders can feel awful. Mostly because they are often accompanied with head shaking, snickers and under the breath comments.

I’ve learned from this page, and my amazing followers, that most people want to help. They are kind. They want to offer a hand. A smile.

But they don’t know what to do. So they ask me how they can help.

I’ve often avoided answering the question because I don’t know what to say.

For me, as the mom, a meltdown is very emotional. It is fight or flight. It is exhausting.

I’m trying to do what is best for my son in a moment of extreme stress.

For me, I would love if someone carried my purse. Or my coffee.

If they’d hold a door for me. If they’d push my stroller to the car.

And in the most extreme situations, I wish someone would hold my baby. Or hold Sawyer’s hand as we walk to the car.

Even something as simple as opening my car door.

But I am just one person. And everyone is different.

So, I asked my subscribers what they would appreciate during a meltdown.

Here are a few of their responses:

If my child is running towards an exit, stop them. Scoop them up. If you see me chasing them please…just stop them.

I was in the food court once during a meltdown, and the best help I got was a woman and her daughter sitting at my table watching my things while I dealt with a meltdown across the food court. Not having to worry about my purse or his supplies getting stolen took a huge weight off me.

I was just sitting beside my son, rubbing his back, and starting to lose it, and about 5 different women either asked if they could call someone or get help for me. One lady just came and sat down beside me and rubbed my back and said I understand, I work with special needs kids. At that point I lost it, I started crying. She sat with me and my son until my husband got there. It still makes me tear up thinking about the kindness of those few women especially the one that sat with me. At that point I think I didn’t feel so completely alone.

Tell others not to stare.

Defend me to onlookers.

I would say making eye contact with the parent, mother, guardian to let them know you are willing to help if needed. Meltdown circumstances will look so different each time. It’s hard to say if anyone thing would help. So just letting the responsible adult know you care and will help if they need it would be best, I think.

Ask me if I need help. And don’t be offended if I say no. More often than not it’s easier for me just to manage it myself.

I do wish people would step in and help during elopement. More than once I’ve been chasing my son and shouted ahead to “please stop him” and people just watch. If someone would just stand in front of him to slow him down so I can catch up that would be a big help.

I often feel like people think I am a bad parent during a meltdown. I’m so paranoid and the stares make it so much worse. And afterwards I have to remind myself that it’s just one moment. One really, hard moment. And most people are good and kind.

I had a really nice policeman (off duty at the time) pay for my purchase as my son could not tolerate standing in line any longer. He was screaming, hitting and falling to the floor. I kept refusing (small purchase) but still I felt I could not accept this. I finally did and walked out crying full of so many emotions!

First ask, “I’ve been there, girl. How can I help you right now?”

Yes, hold the door! Carry the bag! And I would say always ask first if the person wants help. Because some people won’t want it or will be too embarrassed to accept it.

Definitely hold the door, help with bags, strollers, shopping carts. I’ve helped a mama unload her shopping cart to check out as she had two littles and one was struggling as she was about to put her items up there.

Get out of the way. People like to stop and watch… and get their phones out. Just move out of the way. Carrying bags and opening doors. Picking up stuff as I’m walking out would help… like a shoe or my purse.

If I’m in the zone during a meltdown, I typically don’t need help. But that is just me. Please don’t stare though. Please.

A huge than you to the awesome people who shared their thoughts for this post.

I think the biggest takeaways are…everyone is different. Please offer to help. The parent may or may not take you up on it because they know what is best at that exact moment.

Stop a child that is running away from a parent.

Try not to stare. Or gawk. Because a parent that is managing a meltdown can’t tell if a stare is curiously friendly or judgmental.

And lastly, but most importantly, please be kind.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.