Because She is Mine…A Father’s Autism Story

I will never be nominated for “Father of the Year” by any autism association. In fact, by most measures, I am completely inadequate as a father for the special needs my daughter, Lizzie, requires.

Patience, understanding and sympathy are not my strong suit.

I often come home from work tired and sometimes a little irritable. I worry about the money we have spent on therapy over the last several years.

I worry that the decisions of which therapies to use are the right ones. And I worry way too much about the toll that autism has taken on my marriage and the relationship with our other kids.

Believe me, there are some great autism dads out there, and they are impressive. Those guys are Super Dads.

They have an open checkbook for whatever new therapies are out there and are intimately involved with every treatment protocol that their child is undertaking. They have enormous patience and understanding for quirky things their child does in public.

They passionately promote autism awareness in their office.

Super Dads go to work all day, coach their other kid’s baseball team, help clean up after dinner, and then look for an autism cure in their free time.

I love these dads and want to be one of them…but I am not. I write all of this to simply set the reality of who I am. So I wonder sometimes, after seven years of being on the autism journey, why did I get the privilege of being Lizzie’s father?

No one is ever prepared for having a special needs child, certainly not me. What lesson was I meant to learn from all of this?

The answer is really very simple: To love my daughter unconditionally.

It has been a long road for both of us. Lizzie is not naturally overcome with affection or appreciation for her Dad.

She does not come running with hugs and kisses when she sees me.

Her social cues (or lack thereof) indicate that I can be kind of an irritation. Maybe she is still holding a grudge about the time that I yelled at her for taking her seat belt off while I was driving her to pre-school. That happened in a church parking lot…I really, really hope none of you saw me that day!

Or maybe Lizzie still remembers when we went Daddy-Daughter camping, and I could not get a fire started (I told you I was not going to win the “Father of the Year” award).

I know Lizzie loves me. She simply has a different way of showing it. Lizzie was recently asked why I go to work all day. Her answer was simple, “So we can buy Legos!” In some ways, she is absolutely right.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, I am grateful for this forum to tell everyone how much I love my daughter.

I show her by going to work every day to pay for her obnoxiously expensive therapy.

I come home every day and give her a hug even if I have to physically wrap her arms around me.

I recently asked Lizzie if she knew how much I loved her. She told me, “Yes” and tried to get away quickly to something more interesting. I pulled her back close to me and asked her if she knew “Why I loved her?”

She paused for a few seconds and then blurted out as she was running away, “Because you are in our family.”

The more I think about her answer, the more I have learned to understand it. The reason I love her is the same reason any dad loves his daughter…because she is mine!

Editor’s Note: This story was written in 2011. Lizzie now loves to spend time with her dad. When asked why she didn’t want to be near him when she was younger, she said, “I only wanted to hang out with girls, but I always loved him.” The unconditional love Greg showed Lizzie daily was felt and over time their relationship has grown.

Written by, Greg Hornok

Greg Hornok is a Senior Vice President – Branch Director at RBC Wealth Management. When he isn’t immersing himself in youth sports or playing golf, he supports his wife of 21 years, Julie, with United in Autism.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook, subscribe for exclusive videos, and subscribe to our newsletter.

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