Many Sunny Days Ahead…
I don’t want to get out of bed today. It’s going to be another dreary, cloud filled day.
My room is dark and there is not an ounce of light peeking through the cracks of my window shade. I am so tired but I know in a few short minutes that I will be needed.
I am going to hear my daughter Sunny screaming for me.
It’s going to be another hard day of therapy sessions, begging to get her to eat something and begging her not to hurt herself.
It’s going to be another hard day of debating if we should get all bundled up and get out of the house just to come back home not even a half hour later due to her being over stimulated.
I feel like a broken record. I am living the same day over and over again.
I am constantly saying to her, “What do you want? What is it? Show me please”.
Her screaming just escalates and gets louder with each new question I ask.
I want to understand. I want to provide her with what she needs at the moment she needs it but she gives me no clear words and no clear pointing; just screams.
My tears then start pouring out of my eyes from frustration and she gets even louder because the sound of my distress is starting to interfere with hers. She hits me in the face and then bangs hers on the floor.
I can’t help but think to myself, Why does it have to be this way?
I can’t handle this. I am simply not strong enough.
As I lay in my bed with all of these overwhelming thoughts before she even gets up, I suddenly hear her little footsteps get up from her bed and start walking down the hallway towards my room.
I am bracing to hear her loud and demanding scream as my alarm clock to start the day but instead I hear her say “Mama?” then she repeats it again, “Mama?”
My cloudy mind suddenly clears up.
Finally at almost 2 and a half years old, I hear say what I thought she never would!
All of the screams were just for me.
She just wants my love, understanding and support. I’m her Mama and her safe place.
At that exact moment, the sun started peaking through my windows.
I think to myself, It’s going to be OK.
It’s so easy to caught up and down in the cloudy days but hearing her sweet voice call specifically for me, makes me realize that there are many more Sunny days ahead.
Written by, Stephanie Beswetherick
Stephanie is a full time Lifestyle & Wedding Photographer located in Southeast Michigan. Her daughter Sunny was the inspiration to start her business as she realized how quickly moments fleeted and wanted to capture these once in a lifetime moments for others too. When she is not taking photos, the rest of her time is dedicated to spending quality time with her Family and planning their next big traveling adventure together. She loves traveling and plans to show Sunny the entire World one day. You can follow Stephanie on Instagram.
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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.
