Don’t Give Up On Me—Always Take Me Along

My sweet Tristan,

You amaze me everyday. Even on our hard days I hope you see how much I love you.

I love your silly side. I love your playful independence and how you seek joy in your own amazing way. Take me along, sweet boy. Always take your mama along.

I want to see how you see and feel how you feel.

Tristan, a moment in embedded in my heart. I was singing to you. You started to scream. I said “Do you want me to stop?”

You signed stop and tried so hard to say the word. I said “OK!! Mama will stop!”.

I was so proud of you for using a new sign and trying to say it. Then the moment happened. You stopped screaming and looked at me with such amazement.

You flashed the biggest smile and gave me eye contact. I think you thought “wow, I talked to my momma and she got it.

She understood what I was trying to say.”

Tristan, that moment, that glance of “you get me” made my heart happy and hurt all at the same time.

How many times do I guess wrong and you just let it go?

How many times do you want to tell mama something and can’t figure out how to do it?

How many times do I disappoint you?

You see sweet child, I have always thought I was an amazing guesser. Trying to watch your eyes to see what you trying to say. Mapping out our day to how I think you feel.

Constantly having to assume that my thoughts on how you feel are right, because there isn’t another way right now for me to know what is going on in that precious mind of yours. I’m not a mind reader but I want to be.

I want to answer your questions about the world.

I want you to tell me what you want to eat.

I want you to tell me why you don’t want to try a new food. Is it the shape? Is it the texture?

I want you to be able to tell me why you woke up. Are you thirsty? Are you cold? Too hot? Do you just miss me? Is it too dark? Is there too much light?

I selfishly want to hear my name. Mama.

I want you to know the feeling of being heard. Like our moment of “you get me”.

I want more moments like that. I know you desperately want them too.

Tristan, hunny, I am always trying. I hope you see that. I want to be in your world. I want to hear your thoughts. I don’t want to just guess.

Don’t give up on me. Please don’t ever give up on me.

Take me along.

Always, take me along.

Love, Mama

Written by, Annie Velasco

Hi! We are a military family currently residing in Florida. Our son was diagnosed with Autism a year ago. He is a super happy child who has a love for animals-especially horses. There are many things I need to teach my son, but he is my teacher as well. We are constantly trying to learn and advocate!

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