Archive for January 2019
I Wasn’t Scared of Autism
I wasn’t scared of autism; I knew all about it. My brother has autism and he’s a happy, odd, 30-year old dude living his best life. So, when my son was diagnosed with autism, I was saddened that he’d have obstacles but I was also hopeful that he would find his voice like my brother had. I assumed that our family would rally around my son and be there for him as he finds his own path; I see now I was being naive. When my son was an infant…
Read MoreMy Girl had Gotten out of the House
I am one of those people, even before kids, but even more so with kids, I immediately think of the worst that could happen in every situation, and then I try to do everything humanly possible to keep those things from happening. I know lots of mom’s and people like this, and then I have friends who are so laid back about things that I wonder how many milligrams they are taking a day! I absolutely have days where this instinct is less active than others, but for the most…
Read MoreFinding Alone Time, Tis’ So Sweet
I find so much joy to be able to be my sons caregiver. Somedays it can be emotionally, physically and mentally draining, especially if I am not intentional about assuring that my needs are met. And one need that I am intensely aware of is the need to be alone sometimes. Let’s be real for a few minutes, as Jake’s mom, I am eternally exhausted. I’m not gonna lie. I pour my everything into his well being, day in and day out. It is the most rewarding and demanding “job”,…
Read MoreA Letter to My Nonverbal Son
My sweet little Isaac. You can’t tell me you love me, but you sure show it. You don’t sing the words to songs, but your loud humming makes me laugh. I want to tell you I’m sorry though. I’m sorry you get frustrated because you can’t tell me things. I’m sorry for the bad days I have when I hate autism. I’m sorry the world doesn’t understand that you need patience and acceptance. But I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud that you can wave to me. I love…
Read MoreThe World Deserves to Know Him
We have always been very diligent in letting our son interact with the world. At 19, he is 6’3” and 230lbs. If he were the same boy as he was at 6 or 12, he could not be living with us. We could not handle him at this size. It’s been scary, difficult, unpredictable and emotionally hard. Time consuming and physically demanding at times. But with a neurotypical daughter who is an avid athlete, we knew he had to be acclimated to her world and the world. As much as…
Read MoreWe were Oblivious to the Obvious
I don’t really remember how old Holly was when we realised she was “different” and by different I mean not the same as my best friends son. We didn’t really have any other children around us of the same age and no other comparisons. Comparisons of children will always be made whether warranted or not, welcome or not! Our children were born 3 weeks apart and our friendship blossomed as we shared our firsts together. Our first child, our first close friends to experience children together. Our children’s first tooth,…
Read MoreOur Hopes and Goals for 2019
I can’t believe how fast 2018 flew by. It was a rough journey for our family. We faced many challenges. New diagnosis’s. New problem behaviors. Anxiety issues. The list goes on… I am going to stay hopeful for 2019. We are going to work even harder. I am going to continue to stay hopeful Kash will talk. I will continue working hard with him. We will continue working on his problem behaviors. We will continue working on ways to help his anxiety. My son Kash is a sweet, caring, funny…
Read MoreHopefully Hurting
Another time comes that I must leave you behind so you can continue working on getting better; that raw pain in my chest returns, feels like I’m suffocating, like I can’t breathe. Sometimes I think my heart could actually break. It’s a stabbing pain that with each breath is more intense than the last. It feels like I’m carrying a ten thousands stones in my bones that with each step gets heavier. A million little things race through my mind. Razor blades cover my throat that I feel small cuts…
Read MoreI Feel Helpless at Times
I feel so helpless at times. I wasn’t prepared for that I guess. I am a strong mom. I know that for sure. I am a firm believer that all things can be fixed. If we just work hard enough. Never give up. No situation is helpless. That is what I preach. My son has autism. Or he is autistic. Whichever one you want me to say. I am also supposed to say it makes up who he is. He wouldn’t be him without autism. I think I am supposed…
Read MoreHow Therapy Allowed me to Breathe Again
To our amazing ABA team, I wanted to take this time to explain our level of appreciation for you. I have spent the last year of my life feeling like I could not exhale. Since Dominic was about 20 months old and I suspected he was on the spectrum, I had obsessively immersed myself in researching ways to help build language, both expressive and receptive. I read about 20 books and shed many so tears worrying about my son’s future. He had no words. He was getting angry and frustrated,…
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