Archive for January 2019
Beauty in the Breakdown
As Moms, all of our children have had a public “temper tantrum”. It’s awful. You can see it coming most times and try to brace yourself for impact. Tantrums stink point blank. You’re sweating, your kid is flailing, people are staring and you just want to RUN. A meltdown is a bit different. A meltdown occurs when a body has endured too much stress. It looks like a tantrum but can not be contained like a tantrum. Meltdowns can get ugly, real ugly. Meltdowns not only break down your child…
Read MoreA Letter to my Pregnant Self
Looking back at pictures of myself while I was pregnant does not bring back much sentiment. Instead, they make me sad. I look at the woman in those photos, so full of hope, so desperate to be a mother, oblivious to how drastic her life is going to change, and it just breaks my heart. If I could write a letter to her, I don’t know what I would say. Do I sugarcoat things for her to let her enjoy the time of ignorance, of denying, of saying, “he’ll catch…
Read MoreMy Son is Sitting
I snapped this picture after school today. Cooper sitting. A rare sight in our home. Some days we never see it. Not for weeks or even months. We’d joke that he was either awake and running or sleeping and not moving. There was no in between. Not ever. Wait, that’s not true. When he’s really sick. With a fever. Which thankfully has only happened a few times. Then, he sits. And we get really, really worried. Instead my boy runs, rolls, falls, and paces. We joke that he is going…
Read MoreMy Kid is Not a Monster
This piece was shared with me by Danielle of Story of Noahism. I read an awful story this morning and I’m sure some of you in this community have too. The one about a young boy with autism that was dragged through the hallways of his school by a teacher/para. Another one these stories that we seem to be hearing more and more of lately. As a parent to a child on the spectrum, these things are terrifying and heartbreaking. And I made the mistake of reading the comments on…
Read MoreThe Dark Place
I wanted to share something that any Autism parent will understand. It is a place that we all have been. It’s called the dark place. I go there at night when everyone is asleep. It’s when the reality and fears set in of being a parent to a special needs child. The what will happen when I’m gone place. The how will they be able to have a life of their own and build a meaningful and reciprocal relationship place. The who will care for them when I’m not here…
Read MoreAutism is Never Easy
I would like to share something with you. Something that I am embarrassed to admit, but I think that it needs to be said. Perhaps it shows my ignorance, my vulnerability, or my true colors of who I am. When I would drop my son Brayden off at the WEAP, ABA preschool center, I would walk him into the classroom and stop and observe all of the children surrounding me. They all had autism. None of them were flapping, obviously stimming, and some had vocabulary well beyond their age. They…
Read More6 Things I’m Letting Go of this Year
Our past year has been a pretty good one but as a parent of a child with additional needs, it is sometimes all consuming trying to create the perfect world for your child. We need to… Make sure all different ways of learning are being explored when our child has trouble following a regular curriculum. Make sure we are doing all the right therapy that will give them the best chance to progress. Help them make regular friendships that they are unable to do on their own. Scaffold each part…
Read MoreGrieving the Child I Thought I Lost
The day after Mason’s confirmed diagnosis I couldn’t shake my unexplainable feeling of loss. But I didn’t lose my child. In fact, he was sitting 3 feet away, happily lining up his cars on the tv stand, babbling in a language only he could understand. Even though he was close enough to touch, I felt a gaping hole; like part of my life, the before Autism part, had died. When we got home from the assessment appointment, I dug out Mason’s baby book. The record I had so proudly and…
Read MoreSleep in my Room Brother
A month or so before Harbor was born, Cooper and Sawyer both slept in our room. We had just moved to a new house a few months before. Both boys could sense the baby was coming. And they seemed to be trying to soak up as much mama snuggle time as they could. Of course I would like to say they both started out the night in their own rooms and beds. At least that was the intention every day as Jamie and I chugged coffee after a crowded night…
Read MoreGrieving Over Two Very Different Things
In December 2012, I had a baby girl but she ended up passing away to SIDS three days after my husband came home from a deployment. We were devastated and broken. Our whole family was. It was some dark times. One month later we found out we were expecting again. I said this time I’m going to do everything different. I ate better. I cloth diapered. I made organic baby food. I wanted to breastfeed. I was so scared of SIDS happening. I just didn’t want to ever go through…
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