An Autism Mom out in the Wild
I’m off on my first trip without my son.
I ordered everything from Amazon as I can’t shop in stores with him. I ordered all the groceries for the weekend so they won’t have to go out. I feel like I’m prepared to do this first trip solo.
It’s been 4.5 years….I can do this. Right?
Well, I got everything ready and here I sit on the bathroom floor after my son is in bed trying to make my feet not look like something from Jurassic Park. It hit.
The reality that my life is so complicated. I can’t just go do something as simple as a pedicure.
Why is not having a pedicure making me cry?
Is it because I’m tired? Because I have no help right now?
Am I experiencing caregiver fatigue? Or am I dealing with another realm of grief?
I’ve decided it’s grief.
I’m still grieving and that’s ok to say. I’m mad.
I’m mad that I can’t have 30 minutes to get a pedicure, go ahead and call me a diva. That’s fine.
I’ll be a diva if I can just walk into ONE social event feeling prepared.
When you’re home 24/7 with your child your free time includes grocery store, pharmacy pickup and not much else. You put yourself last.
If I do leave my house, I can assure you a pedicure is the least of my worries.
I have to make sure the person watching my kid is a specialist in special needs not just a sitter of a friend. Ughh!
I long to just hire someone for the night. Bye Tonya in college with no babysitting experience…. good luck. I could never do that. She doesn’t understand the dangers.
So, yeah, I’m mad because I’m going on a cruise to feel “normal” and my toes look like a horror scene from Jurassic Park.
I’ve stopped crying, it’s a waste of energy at this point because I know that I have to be up in a few short hours to tend to my sweet boy.
Toes can wait.
I’ll show up at the port being the same hot mess mom I always am. Maybe I’ll cancel a activity and go take some time for myself….nah we all know that won’t happen.
Off to sleep with raptor toes and a grieving heart.
You may adapt but the small things hit you and I believe it’s ok to be upset about these silly little things for a minute.
Regardless of how I feel now, tomorrow I’m back into Mommy mode…..ugly toes or not.
Best part about Autism is they don’t notice these ridiculous things. My son thinks I’m perfect just the way I am…..Flintstone Feet and all.
Wilma is off on her first solo adventure, an Autism Mom out in the wild.
Send a little love her way and to her dear husband who is taking the reigns for her to do so.
I took the step and accepted the help to do this short trip which I so need….I need to look at the bright side. I have help and some don’t have that at all.
Be thankful and grateful for what you do have…even if your toes are ugly.
Written by, An Anonymous Mother
Finding Cooper’s Voice accepts guest posts from writers who choose to stay anonymous. I do this because so many of these topics are hard to talk about. The writers are worried about being shamed. They are worried about being judged. As a writer and mother I totally get it. But I also understand the importance of telling our stories. And this will ALWAYS be a safe place to do it.
Interested in writing for Finding Cooper’s Voice? LEARN MORE
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.
