Beauty in the Breakdown
As Moms, all of our children have had a public “temper tantrum”. It’s awful.
You can see it coming most times and try to brace yourself for impact. Tantrums stink point blank. You’re sweating, your kid is flailing, people are staring and you just want to RUN.
A meltdown is a bit different.
A meltdown occurs when a body has endured too much stress. It looks like a tantrum but can not be contained like a tantrum.
Meltdowns can get ugly, real ugly. Meltdowns not only break down your child but they will break you down too.
The only thing you can do is comfort that child. That may mean holding them, rocking them, singing or the worst….holding them to make sure they don’t hurt themselves or someone else.
It’s not that they are animalistic in that moment but sometimes they can’t control their actions. The worst part of meltdowns are you don’t know when they will hit sometimes and unfortunately who will be around to see it.
It’s always funny to me when people tell me to chill in a public setting, you can never “chill” in public as a special needs parent.
You watch like a hawk, you make sure they are safe and you watch for that trigger…sometimes a trigger you hadn’t seen yet.
When you hear a child screaming at the top of your lungs you should look to make sure the child is not being harmed.
The down side of that is the parent who is trying to help the child appears as if they could be kidnapping or hurting the child. Worst feeling ever.
Honestly, it hurts me to the bone. I have seen the looks strangers have given my poor husband as he escapes the scene of a crime aka getting our son to safety.
Trust me when I tell you that I am surprised that the police have not been called on us in Walmart. I have no clue what triggers our son in that store but EVERY time we have gone there it ends with me cashing out and my husband carrying a screaming child out of the store.
Every single time.
It appears that he is being taken as my husband carries him out and the scream will haunt you.
Once he is in the car with his snacks, it passes.
No offense Walmart, I personally like you but for some reason my child does not. (I visit you when I have down time, I can’t quit you Walmart) My son would prefer me to carry him out these days but he has grown to a size that I am unable to handle these situations on my own.
He is stronger than me and I fear that I may drop him.
Trust me when I tell you that I know the difference between my child being a bossy toddler and a legit breakdown.
It’s a MAJOR difference.
I ignore those typical toddler moments but I can not ignore or punish my child for being overwhelmed.
Imagine yourself in space where the lights are so bright, everyone is talking but you can’t understand them, so many things for you to touch but are not allowed to touch and you just want to be in your home where you can just be you.
In his world, all of you are screaming in a foreign language, babies are crying, it’s crowded….too much is happening for his brain to process.
When the meltdown has passed, my beautiful child reappears. Refreshed and ready to tackle his next hurdle. You can almost see the storm pass in his eyes if you look close enough.
There is so much beauty in the breakdown.
It sounds odd but once you have witnessed it you won’t forget it.
The moral of this long rant is to be a vigilante when you see a child in distress…pay attention to the caregiver.
Special needs parenting can be so hard at times and these times are the worst. Some say they don’t judge Moms but a little part of most people do.
Help a child who is clearly in a bad situation but please have grace for the mother who is jumping into action and helping her child. She isn’t allowing her child to be a “brat” she is helping that child through a serious breakdown.
Sit and watch that storm pass with her.
Put your hand on her shoulder, give her a hug….just be quiet.
Watch her in action.
Look for the beauty in the child’s breakdown.
That Mom knows exactly what to do for her child, experiencing that kind of love and patience will help you see the beauty and the difference.
There is exquisite beauty when that child comes out of it, look at his mother’s face as her beauty reappears too. You may even discover a new beauty in yourself.
Be kind.
Written by, An Anonymous Mother
Finding Cooper’s Voice accepts guest posts from writers who choose to stay anonymous. I do this because so many of these topics are hard to talk about. The writers are worried about being shamed. They are worried about being judged. As a writer and mother I totally get it. But I also understand the importance of telling our stories. And this will ALWAYS be a safe place to do it.
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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.
