My Son is Sitting

I snapped this picture after school today. Cooper sitting. A rare sight in our home.

Some days we never see it. Not for weeks or even months. We’d joke that he was either awake and running or sleeping and not moving.

There was no in between. Not ever.

Wait, that’s not true. When he’s really sick. With a fever. Which thankfully has only happened a few times.

Then, he sits. And we get really, really worried.

Instead my boy runs, rolls, falls, and paces. We joke that he is going to put a path in our carpet. Always moving.

Office, bathroom, kitchen, living room, stairs, Sawyer’s bedroom, sitting room, his room, the babies room and back to the stairs.

And repeat.

Sometimes he’ll drop to the ground and kick his feet. Pound his arms. Not in anger. That’s just him. We like to say he is getting his wiggles out.

Always moving. Almost a blur.

A week ago Saturday we started two anti-anxiety medications. I will be the first to admit I was against this.

Not because they are bad. But because I was afraid.

Afraid that I was giving up. Or that I was a bad mom. Or that the medication would change him.

And I want to be clear, (if you take one message from this post let this be it) neither Jamie nor I want to change this little boy.

He is funny, smart and a complete joy. But as he ages, his anxiety is starting to tear him apart. We are losing the beautiful parts of him.

At times it feels like our little boy is disappearing right before our eyes.

We have to help him with his anxiety. We have to get his joy back.

So, here we are. Ten days since we started.

Cooper is sitting. My son is sitting.

His body is calm.

I’m wondering why we didn’t start this sooner. I’m wondering why we waited so long.

Cooper has sat more in the last week than he has in his whole eight years of life. It’s been unbelievable.

He’s sat by himself. He’s sat near people. He’s let people touch him for more than a second. He’s even sat on couches. Not just the ground.

He’s let his dad lie on the couch and hold him. Even rub his feet. Touch his back.

And it’s been quiet. Not bad quiet. I just mean no yelling.

He used to yell at me when he was happy. And sad. And anxious and mad.

He was always yelling.

So much so that I started to feel like an open nerve. He wanted a drink…he yelled. He wanted a hug…he yelled.

By the end of a day I started to hate all sound. Everyone else’s sounds started to wear on me too. Because of the yelling.

His school has even noticed. He’s had hardly any behaviors in a week.

Cooper is so much calmer. Our home is so much calmer. In turn, our family is calmer.

And that old anxiety monster…? Well, we haven’t seen him either.

This has been the most bizarre, amazing, relaxing ten days.

Cooper is sitting.

Three words I never thought I’d type. And you can bet we are soaking up every second of it.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.