Autism is Never Easy
I would like to share something with you. Something that I am embarrassed to admit, but I think that it needs to be said. Perhaps it shows my ignorance, my vulnerability, or my true colors of who I am.
When I would drop my son Brayden off at the WEAP, ABA preschool center, I would walk him into the classroom and stop and observe all of the children surrounding me.
They all had autism.
None of them were flapping, obviously stimming, and some had vocabulary well beyond their age. They are Brayden’s peers.
However, as I watched them my son was nothing like them, at least in my eyes.
Brayden did not follow the directions his therapist requested, nor was he excited to see his peers. He didn’t join the kids at the train table or make eye contact with his therapist.
It made me feel sad.
Brayden was jumping, twirling, throwing a ball while making a vibrating sound with his throat. He had a chewy around his neck, headphones on his head, and his treasure of the day tucked under his arm.
As I quietly observed I remembered thinking to myself these children barely look like they have autism.
All of the posts that I write I try to focus on the positive, not to jump to conclusions and judge a situation without understanding the whole picture.
All I could think was I have become the judgemental parent thinking that “my kid’s autism is worse than yours.” I felt sick. What is happening to me.
There is no such thing as autism made easy. Autism is a spectrum.
Most times the children are beautiful, funny, and smart. Many of them talk and answer questions.
To the observer it appears that the child is spoiled, lacking discipline, and guidance. What the average person doesn’t see is that an unfamiliar sound can set them off into rage that can look like a giant temper tantrum that could last in excess of 45 minutes.
That “temper tantrum” could result in holes kicked in the wall, picture frames broken, or smeared feces.
Children with autism have a difficult time understanding their emotions and often regulate themselves through sensory input. This is often what I refer to it as the “Tasmanian devil behavior”.
They don’t know how to regulate so they spin through the house destroying everything in their path.
Often time the rigidity makes leaving the home so difficult.
The fact you always have to do things in a certain order and if you miss a step you can’t go on until you go back. Some children have language that seems well beyond their years.
However if you listen closely they could be mimicking a movie that they have seen. Yes, the have an excellent memory but the context is inappropriate and a script that they have memorized.
How would I know this? I only saw them for 5 minutes.
Many parents are unable to work because their child’s behaviors are so extreme that the school, babysitter, and family members can not handle them. Many of these children long for friends and to fit in.
They are sad when no one wants to play with them and act out when they are teased for their inappropriate behavior. At home there are frustrated sibling, bills that are barely met, and marriages destroyed.
The family has exhausted their resources on safety devices that don’t work, therapies, and supplements.
Some of the parents have slept the same amount in one week that the average teenage child sleeps in a day.
So as I sit here looking at my son I feel very grateful.
There isn’t anyone who meets Brayden that won’t notice there is something is a little special about him. We are very blessed.
Brayden is a sweet, loving, little boy. He is not aggressive or angry. He does have difficulty with transitioning but we are able to go places.
We are fortunate to have ways to help him cope with his sensory needs, the sounds around him and a wonderful family that loves and looks out for him.
So, as I watch this group of children I realize that things are not always what they appear.
There is no “easy autism” and every child and family, autism or not, has their thing.
So, once again I ask. If you see someone struggling, a child acting out, or a peer or co-worker that is that isn’t acting like themselves please before you gossip, look down your nose at them in judgement think, maybe I don’t know the whole story.
Take a moment to see if they need help, to talk, or even just a friendly smile.
As I look around the room I see happy children. None of them judging or staring.
Brayden feels so comfortable here with his peers. A group of friends that accept him for who he is, no questions asked.
There is no such thing as easy Autism.
Written by, Laura Eiler
Laura Eiler – mother of 5. I am looking for ways each day to find the “blessings” in autism. I know that God has given us Brayden for a special reason and I want to make sure that I fulfill his plan. Laura shares their families journey with autism at A Day in the Life of Brayden.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.
