Looking to 2019

2018 has been one for the books. So many positives have transpired.

I woke up to a beautiful smile this morning. Tap, tap!

In the world of special needs, just like in typical parenting, when our children are thriving or, “gasp,” getting ahead, there are often those who are not cheering us on.

Have you ever felt guilty because your child is moving forward and maybe a friend’s child is not?

I get it, I really do…most likely I have been that mom too.

One of my goals for 2018 was to be positive, work on sharing the things my son CAN do, and allow myself to feel pride. Tap, tap!

Deep down we want our kids to succeed.

Every little step is celebrated and for some this is done through social media postings while others just celebrate quietly.

I think because sometimes they are waiting for the “other shoe to drop”, thinking, this is too good to be true, and expecting that step back that’s coming.

I get so beside myself when I hear of someone with typical kids who put down ‘participation’ trophies, by golly, we love all our boys trophies because those mean he tried!

On the other hand, we have friends in our journey, who are sinking, instead of going forward, they are not progressing. I don’t have all the answers of why some children get better, and some get worse.

But, my point is we do not know what others are going through.

They may post all the celebratory moments, and keep the battles behind closed doors.

So, we need to be mindful of how we feel about others journey, and how they handle it.

Should we feel guilty when our child is able to go out into the community with ease? Should we feel guilty when our child learns a new sport?

Should we feel guilty at all?

No! But guess what, we do!

Social media is hard to navigate, but when you share so openly like I do, we see when someone isn’t cheering us on.

We see when they “like” our struggles, and we see when they are no where to be found when we celebrate a win. Tap, tap!

We have got to do better at cheering our friends on when they have accomplishments. Tap!

We need to look at it as a win for all special needs children, especially if you are a veteran parent, someone is watching.

Some parent is watching to see how you relish in small victories, and how you pick yourself up when you fall down. We all fall down from time to time.

In reality, I’ve fallen down a lot this past year, so much so, that I’ve barely been able to catch my bearings before the next one. My heart aches just like the next mom.

I often sink into the, ‘what I could, should have done better’. Its natural. Then, I look back and realize we have done the very best we know how, and how far we have come.

It’s time to be positive! Tap, tap, tap!

I’m gonna go into 2019, with the word, “footsteps”… I’m not sure what it means for us, but I plan to take lots of steps forward, and do my best to not sit in sadness on the days we fall back.

I’m gonna work harder supporting my fellow special needs families, sharing in their joys and struggles.

I want to open my heart to be able to feel what they feel..and that very well may be a “like” or comment on social media. Ater all most of our closest friends live on social media. I want them to know I see them, I cheer for them and believe in them.

Tap! Why do I tap?

My son Jake taps all day long. He taps high, low, loudly and quietly.

He taps to feel.

He taps to regulate

He taps for joy.

He taps in anger sometimes. On one of our outings this holiday season he was tapping a couples bike handles, and he couldn’t help himself. Tthey felt and sounded different.

We kept saying, no tapping, and then the bike fell. Thank God they were nice folks and they were friendly about it.

He taps when he is ready to eat, he taps til he falls asleep…I shared our taps because as easy as I may make it seem, we deal with ‘things’ too.

Tappy McTap Pants. And guess what, I tap now! It makes him smile.

Taps, footsteps and likes in 2019.

Written by, Luanne Helms

Luanne Helms lives in Opelika, Alabama with her husband, Jason Helms and her 19 year old son Jake. Luanne is the Area coordinator for the Autism society of Alabama for East Alabama.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.