When Do We Stop Trying?
When do you stop trying to do the normal stuff? Is it like introducing a new food to a toddler?
I read years ago about weaning a baby and introducing food saying you should try your child with something 8-10 times before you accept they don’t like it.
Is life the same? Or am I being cruel?
We are in our last couple of days of our vacation (we call it a holiday). I have tried my best not to push my son’s boundaries too much but just enough to test the water to see if he can enjoy new things.
I don’t want to be the parent who says “no he can’t do that” just because I maybe tried something new on the wrong day.
My kid is so unbelievably adaptable for a child with autism. He enjoys being constantly entertained, but then the day after, loves nothing better than 100% no interaction and a day in his own bubble on his iPad.
We tried Florida. Mason is OK with small crowds so we chose after thanksgiving when crowd levels were at their lowest. He is not good with queuing.
We learned some places were great at helping us navigate this problem and other places/parks not so much.
We also learned that short bursts in places followed by time in the pool worked and completely doing nothing for a full day after also worked for us.
I have sibling guilt.
That guilt where either you or your partner literally live your life as if you have split up and do totally separate things solely with your other child.
Sometimes I can see the pity in my daughter’s eyes as she says “bye mama I love you” and sometimes she asks for me to go instead of her dad depending on what the activity is.
We do something special every month at home that she chooses and she can either bring a friend or it be just me and her.
She also goes to a “sibz” youth club set up by a charity in our area which she enjoys the social aspect of…me, not so much. I’m that parent with my head down not wanting to fully accept I’m in the “club” (wrong I know but I can’t help the way I feel). I’m like this on a school run too.
We had one day where I had chose somewhere busy…a show that I thought he would love. He skipped and jumped all the way in with no wait, got inside and looked like a rabbit caught in head lights.
For a few seconds I waited for him to adjust but he couldn’t.
His legs shook and his eyes filled with tears and we left.
My daughter and her dad stayed and we found a quiet area outside in the sun with the iPad facing away from everyone whilst he made sense of the world again.
We soon left and it took him a day to fully get over. It also took me a full day to get over the guilt I had for him and my daughter. Huge guilt in two totally different ways.
People may think I’m unfair or insane because I wouldn’t ever push him to do anything ridiculous. For instance we tried a safari ride and he absolutely loved it because of the truck and the bumpy road. We tried a Muppet show because he likes Elmo type characters and he completely freaked out.
He had a bit of a stim in line to meet Mickey Mouse but we were next so my instinct was to wait the 30 seconds and it turned out to be one of the best things he did. He took turns trying to high five him and interacted with him which he doesn’t do with anyone the majority of the time.
I could have cried.
I know a lot of kids need a plan and like to know what they are doing so I’m lucky in that aspect of it that he prefers to just be busy all the time.
When do you stop trying? Should we ever? Or just live separate lives?
Written by, Emma Roberts
I am 34 years old and mum two beautiful kids Summer (9) and Mason (3).
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