We’d Become What I Was Most Afraid Of….
When my son was diagnosed with autism over four years ago, I remember not being able to picture him as a teen. And not one person in my life, not doctors, not therapists, could tell me what the future held.
The unknown is very, very hard. I think it’s harder than knowing.
I so badly needed a glimpse of the future. I needed to know what nonverbal looked like at age 15. Or 20. But I was scared too.
I am big enough to admit that I wasn’t ready to acknowledge forever.
But once I was ready, I started seeking out older autistic children. I needed to see what my son could be like. And I’ll be honest. What I saw scared me.
I don’t think I was ready to accept forever. Or how severe he could be.
I remember vividly thinking, my son won’t be like those children. He’ll be fine. He will be different. He won’t be so loud. Or noticeable. That won’t be us.
Well, today, I picked my son up from therapy.
He ran out to me laughing, yelling, twirling and flapping. He was SO EXCITED TO SEE ME. And he let the entire world know. I engulfed him in the biggest hug and plastered him with kisses.
All attention was on us. Just like it always is lately. My son is almost 80 pounds. He screams with joy. He runs. He rolls. He crawls. He’s either extremely happy or mad. Rarely anything in between.
Not one thing about us blended in. There was no hiding autism.
I looked around, in a very humbling moment, and saw the eyes of the parents of newly diagnosed children looking at me. And I smiled.
I’d come full circle. We’d become what I was so afraid of.
And I’ll tell ya…we are just fine.
I don’t have anymore answers really than I had four years ago. I still don’t know if he’ll talk. Or make a friend. Graduate. Or have a job.
But I do know that I’m not quite so afraid anymore.
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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.
