November 15, 2018

Being Afraid to Talk about Autism

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Today, I brought my new baby in for his one month check-up. I asked all my questions and found out that he is as perfect as can be. All 12 pounds of him.

As I breathed my sigh of relief, I asked the question I was too afraid to ask when Cooper was this age. ‘When do I worry about lack of speech?’

It felt good to say it out loud. This time I’m not afraid to ask questions.

In this video I reflect on the days before Cooper’s diagnosis.

I would talk about my son with friends, family or even doctors and it dawned on me quickly that something was different about him. I’d talk about how he didn’t sleep….ever. Or how he was anxious as a baby. Or whatever milestone he wasn’t reaching at the time and I’d hope for validation that their kids (or kids they knew) were like mine.

Only, they weren’t. I started to get afraid to vent. Or to talk about him. Because pointing out the differences felt scary and wrong. It felt way too real.

So, I stopped talking.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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2 Comments

  1. erin on November 16, 2018 at 8:36 am

    yes. my son is 3, diagnosed this past july. i used to take him to storytime at the library – all the other kids were sitting with their moms in a circle looking at books while my son got up 57 times to pull books off of shelves and run around. i too was always sweating. and i remember thinking he was doing all this because he was so smart and bored! and he is super smart, but now i see there were other issues at play all along. we have a 3 month old and are watching him like a hawk for any signs now that we know more what to look for.

    thank you so much for sharing your life…i am new to all of this and have found you so inspiring and your blog has been helping me through some rough nights.



  2. Ida on November 22, 2018 at 12:27 am

    How do you potty train? Help!!