October 29, 2018

Some Days I Dwell…

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My kid is awesome. He is seven. He also has nonverbal autism. And even though he may never do the things typical kids do or even meet typical milestones…we are okay.

He is amazing in his own way.

I will give him his best life.

And as his mother, I refuse to let myself dwell on the hard parts. The sadness. The things he will never do. It’s not healthy. It’s not who I am. And honestly, it’s just too sad.

So, I use my energy to focus on the positive. The simple joys. The things he can do.

But some days, or some nights, I find myself getting overcome. It will just get to be too much. And I will be exhausted from pretending and telling myself religiously that it’s okay if he never talks, or makes a friend, or goes trick-or-treating, or rides a bike or holds his brand new baby brother.

Some days, even the strongest mothers dwell. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to do that once in a while. It’s okay to admit how hard it is. It’s okay to be sad. And it doesn’t mean you love your child any less or that you are any less of a parent.

It just means that you are human.

And some days, we dwell.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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1 Comments

  1. Lena on October 30, 2018 at 7:25 pm

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while and thought I’d leave these here—a few reading/listening suggestions, which help me a lot. (I also have an autistic 7-yr-old). These folks, especially autistic adults, have changed my thinking in some important ways…dwelling on what my kid “should” be doing misses the boat, assumes that typical development is what’s correct and natural, and makes me lose sight of all that he’s capable of.

    http://muleandmuseproductions.com/loud-mute-radio/

    https://adiaryofamom.com/2015/06/29/do-you-believe-in-your-children/

    https://www.google.com/amp/s/starinhereye.wordpress.com/2016/07/05/on-radical-acceptance-not-fixing-your-kid/amp/