The Resilience of a Sibling

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. For as long as I could remember, I’ve dreamt of having kids of my own and having a big family. When my husband and I got pregnant not too long after getting married, we were ecstatic.

We found out we were having a boy! My husband, being the sports enthusiast that he is, was thrilled as well. We dreamed of everything we would do with him, all the things typical boys would love.

Dawson was born and he was perfect. When he was two, we had our second child, our daughter Harper.

As our children grew older, we noticed the delays in Dawson, mostly because Harper was such a contrast. We noticed the lack of speech. The fixations. The struggles with socializing.

After a long road of Early Intervention, speech therapy, and evaluations he was diagnosed with autism at age 3, the same month I found out I was pregnant with our third child, which was unexpected. I had so many emotions.

I was so excited but also felt guilty. How are we going to give Dawson everything he needs, all the extra time he requires and deserves if we have two other kids to raise? Will the girls grow to notice this and resent us for not getting the extra attention? Will we be able to handle all that comes with being a parent, let alone a parent of multiple children, one with special needs?

When Sylvie was born I still felt this way, but I remember the day my frame of mind shifted.

It was just a regular day at home with my three children. Dawson was four-years-old and our two daughters were two and ten months.

I won’t lie and say that there haven’t been days where I’ve felt sorry for myself, our son, and our family. Days where I’ve cried all alone wondering if I could handle all the responsibilities of being a parent of three, one with special needs. Days where I’ve wished we could all sleep in instead of waking up early for another therapy appointment.

But on this particular day, I was watching how my two-year- old was attempting to play with her brother without getting much response. This is a regular occurrence at our house. She is a social butterfly who loves nothing more than imaginative play and conversation, two things we work on so hard with our son!

After a few minutes of unsuccessfully getting her brother’s undivided attention, I thought she would give up and move on, but she didn’t. She dropped her toys, ran over to him, wrapped him in a big hug, looked him square in the eyes and said ‘I love you, come chase me ok?’ Even more surprising than her resilience was his response.

He looked down at her, busted out laughing and said ‘ok, let’s run around the table!’

It was a simple moment most people with kids gets dozens of a day. In our world it was momentous. Tears came instantly.

My frame of mind was instantly changed in that moment. I’m not saying there aren’t challenging days and overwhelming feelings that creep in from time to time. But in that moment, that sweet simple moment, I witnessed my kids demonstrate resilience that I needed reminding of.

My son, who is resilient every single day of his life trying to navigate a world that can be challenging and confusing for him, yet I’ve NEVER seen a day where his smile didn’t light up a room. And my daughters, who show nothing but unwavering resilience in loving and including their brother, and never giving up on him.

And I refuse to either.

Written by, Lacey Vanderwerf, mom of three amazing kids, one with autism.

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