I Will Wait for the World to Grow

“Ahh. Stop growing already.” I’ve said it. You’ve said it. As parents, I think we have all said it. We have said it to our children, who seem to change every single day.

Like just about everything else, that statement (along with the fact that my boy is literally growing too fast) makes me emotional. For a couple of reasons.

For one. I shouldn’t say it, because I WANT him to grow. I want him to learn new things. I want him to be better. I don’t want that to stop. “Stop taking everything so seriously, Sam.” That’s probably what you’re thinking, and I get it. But for years, we seemed to be stuck.

I held my growing baby in my arms and asked him to stop. And well, on some things he did. He continued to grow physically, but he stopped reaching certain milestones. And now, at age 6, he is making progress. He is “growing” again. And I don’t ever want it to stop.

But there’s always a flip side. Right? Growing up really does suck. And if it wasn’t for the reason above, I really would want him to stop. I would want to keep him little and in our bubble. Because as he grows, he enters into the world more. And the world can be a scary place.

In some ways, over time, this does get easier. In other ways, well it just gets harder.

As Carter gets bigger, I feel like he gets less grace. People are more judgmental. Kids are more cruel. It’s “easy” to “hide” some things when they are a toddler, but at 6 (and older) it’s a little more tricky. His delays seem to be displayed, on a giant billboard. (A really big billboard. With flashing lights.) We get more stares. People don’t try as hard. And I seem to spend more time fighting.

Fighting and begging for people to not give up on him.

In a lot of ways, we are doing great. We really are. But the older Carter gets, I feel like the walls that divide him from the rest of the world, are getting higher. Which sometimes makes them feel impossible to climb. And the thing about those walls, is they are made of glass. I sit here with my sweet boy, on one side, and I feel as though I’m stuck watching the rest of the world. Grow.

None of this is his fault. I don’t want this to take away from him and how amazing he is. I don’t want this to take away from his progress. This feeling is a product of the world we live in. And the way that it views those that are different. Those wonderful people, that just take a little longer to grow.

I can’t stop time. I can’t change the fact, that whether the world sees it or not, Carter IS growing. (Thank God, he’s growing) He’s an amazing, smart, honest boy. Who sees each and every beautiful detail, in everything he does.

I have come to the realization that this is my life. The fight. And I will do so. I will fight, and I will wait for the world to grow. I will wait for the world, to catch up with my boy.

Written by, Samantha Fawns

Her son Carter Rue, thinks he is a pirate. He also, happens to have autism. Everyday is an adventure, when you are a part of “Carter’s Crew.” Sam shares their journey at The Au-Some Pirate.

Interested in writing for Finding Cooper’s Voice? LEARN MORE

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.