The Never Ending Vaccination Question

Am I going to vaccinate my baby? Do I think vaccines cause autism? Did I vaccinate my first two children?

I get these questions daily. Typically always from a sweet, curious mother. They wonder what I plan to do. Little do they know that I will never, under any circumstance, answer that question.

Some parents hide deep, dark secrets. I hide my opinion on vaccines.

Why? Because my answers affect the safety of my children.

After my video went viral, people sent me pictures of dead babies. Actual photos of real dead babies that had been supposedly vaccine injured. They sent them to my personal email. My business email. They would use fake subject lines that would trick me into opening them. They sent them in messages to my business account and my personal account. They shared them on my both my personal Facebook page and my Finding Cooper’s Voice Facebook page.

They were relentless.

They accused me of killing those babies because I allegedly vaccinate my children. They called me a murderer. They said their blood was on my hands.

All because I allegedly vaccinate my children.

Mind you, I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time. Photos of dead babies wasn’t the best thing for me to see.

Then there was the person who publicly shared my personal email, my personal social media and networking accounts, where I worked and claimed that he knew me personally. He said I worked as a spy for big pharma to push the vaccine agenda. He very publicly shared libelous statements about me. He sent his followers after me. They infiltrated my life with such anger and evil that I wondered why in the world I ever decided to share our story.

All because I allegedly vaccinate my children.

I had to go to the police. I had to share his picture at my work and at my kid’s schools. I had to increase security around them. I feared for my children’s safety.

Then, I had a group spread libelous statements that I am an anti-vaxxer. People I have never met in real life, spoke and wrote about me as if they knew me and knew the decisions I made for my children. They spread lie after lie about my children. They told me that I would rather have Cooper and Sawyer dead then autistic. That is why I chose not to vaccinate him.

They spread rumors throughout groups that I use my platform to spread the anti-vax agenda. And that someone should take my children from me. That they were indeed better off dead than with a mother like me because I put them and other children in danger.

I again had to go to the police. I had to share photos again.

All because I am an alleged anti-vaxxer.

The funny part is I have never once publicly shared my stance on vaccines and yet to different people I am both for and against.  I made that decision to not share my stance when I started my blog years ago. I did not want to get into the middle of the argument.

I wanted to do what was best for my kids and have them be healthy and happy. I wanted to create a safe place for parents of autistic children to come, laugh, cry and share stories.

But the topic kept coming up. It typically would start friendly. Like, some sweet mother would comment on a post about Cooper with, ‘what is your stance on vaccines and autism?’ And before I could even get to the comment, there would be dozens of responses. No calm discussion mind you. All hate filled.

The comments would immediately get nasty. Like, swearing, threatening nasty.

And I’d have to delete the thread. Yes, I delete threads where people fight. You caught me. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. Nope.

I work full time, raise two kids, run this site and am pregnant. Let’s just say I don’t need any more drama in my life.

But yet, every single day, I receive emails from amazing moms who are pregnant and already have an autistic child. They beg me to tell them what to do. They are kind, desperate parents that are afraid to ask publicly what to do. They feel shamed. They feel scared to ask questions.

They just want to have a discussion about this topic that doesn’t end with photos of dead babies.

Lord, do I understand.

But the truth is, I don’t answer. I tell them that I can’t. And that I am sorry. Because I am too afraid that one of them will share my answer publicly and someone will hurt my kids.

How messed up is that?

That is the world we live in today. We don’t talk. We hate I guess.

So, do I vaccinate my children? Am I going to vaccinate this baby?

Unfortunately, that’s none of your business. Because we live in a world where the answer to that question has a direct correlation to the safety of my children.

But I will say this. Having a child with severe, nonverbal autism and an unknown future changes a person. You don’t go through something like that and not change. Or question the world around you. You don’t spend night after night wondering why my child and how am I going to do this for the rest of my life and not change.

You don’t look at your child hitting themselves in the head and not wonder if it was the water you drank, the pesticides on your food, vaccines, prenatal care, drinking pop, living near a power line…you name it…and a mother has thought it.

So trust me, the fear around this topic is real. And worrying and questioning shouldn’t be shamed. But, it is.

The person I was seven years ago when Cooper was born is not the person I am today.

My advice to you, if you have questions about what to do, is to start a discussion with as many people as you can. Educate yourself. Talk to many doctors. Not just the pediatrician that you have had forever. Find other doctors with differing opinions and thoughts. Talk to a Naturopath. A good one.

Educate yourself.

Talk to a few parents that you trust and respect that have adult children with autism. See what their opinions are. Talk to your friends.

Do your research. And no, I do not mean just one-sided blogs. Read it all. The good, the bad, the ugly.

If someone’s opinions about the topic scare you or shame you, then talk to someone else. These are not your people.

You are the parent and you can do whatever works best for your baby. That’s the funny part about all of this. This is your decision.

And lastly, read books. Here is one that I recommend: The Vaccine Friendly Plan.

Please know that I would love to answer your questions. It pains me that I can’t answer. I just hope you can accept why. And know that I will not judge you for your decision.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.

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