I Dream Differently Than You

Being a victim sounds horrible but sometimes I think we fail to recognize that at times it is self-induced.

I can’t go to the store because my son might throw a tantrum.

We cannot afford to have a date night because we cannot find a babysitter.

I have no friends.

I am going to wait to start my business because of my husband’s work situation.

We cannot go on vacation because my son does not transition well and we cannot afford it.

I have personally said every single one of the above statements and more. At the time they sounded legitimate.

No one really wants to have that screaming child at the store, especially with everyone staring. But what if he didn’t have a tantrum? So, what if he does have a tantrum?

Date night is all in the definition. Yes, getting out of the house on occasion I believe is an absolute must but does that mean that date night needs to happen out of the house? What about after bed? What about a nice conversation while the kids are watching a movie?

I have no friends because I never called anyone. I never talked to anyone while I was at church. One day I decided to change that and called up a few women to see if they wanted to go for a walk. It has now turned into a group of five fabulous girlfriends.

Screw it. I am SO starting my business. I figured out how to attend two autism conferences this year as a vendor and turned my front room into a photography studio. It’s not perfect but people are amazed at the pictures that I am putting out there.

As for vacation. We will get there. We are learning to take autism in stride. Autism is along for the ride but we try not to let it stop us anymore.

We had big dreams prior to autism and we are big dreamers again. The difference is our values have changed and we are no longer attached to the outcome.

All those times I rode the roller coaster I never realized it was about the ride, not the end. And we are having some fabulous ups and downs.

While I used to get upset over seeing pictures of my friends taking their kids hiking I know what I really want is quality time and that can happen anywhere. I also know that if I really want to go hiking there are safe trails that we can do the same thing.

As mentioned I also used to hold back from a lot of events because I was afraid of what would happen. What I am finding is that my assumed worst-case scenario doesn’t happen that often and people really want to do the best they can as well.

Recently, I took my kids to a drop-in art lesson studio. I did call ahead and we worked out that they would schedule us for a private lesson time with no rate change and they would ‘pre-draw’ my son’s art before we arrived so all he had to do was color. We were gentle to introduce the idea to my son when we got there and invited but never expected. In the end he colored at least half of his picture and did not have a tantrum.

In addition to taking autism in stride I have also learned to stop holding myself back because of autism. It is not autism stopping me, it is my perceived reality. Once I set a goal and decided to figure out how to achieve it all kinds of creative options start coming up. I started seeing how much more I do have control over.

I have always wanted a house big enough for a studio. It was not until we started getting creative that we just turned our front room into one. The furniture is a bit mismatched due to the nature of photography but most visitors to our house love the idea and want their pictures done.

These are a bit of my dreams and aspirations and by no means are a final list. This is not about what parents of kids with autism should dream about or accomplish in a day. Heaven knows there are some days I don’t go to the store because on that day my sanity takes precedence.

This is about a life with autism, not despite it.

I am quite certain that I dream differently from you. And that’s okay. Like you I also have rough days. Ones where we don’t go to the store because sometimes sanity takes precedence. That too, is okay.  I have discovered greater value to myself and family. Greater highs on the roller coaster of life when I remember that I am in the driver seat of my life.

Look out world. Here I come. And I am dreaming big.

Written by, Gina Baker

Gina Baker is a mother of a child with autism and together they are trail blazing autism at spectrumlane.com. She is also a Life Coach and play therapist whose goal is to help parents of kids with autism ‘feel better’.

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