Shielding My Autistic Son from Cruelty

My name is Amy and I live with my husband and son in Michigan. Our son Travis has severe autism with limited verbal ability. Travis is 11 and is very active! He is the center of the universe, and if you were unaware of this, he will use his super powers to convince you otherwise.

Yesterday, we took him bowling. He was having so much fun. When he is excited and happy he squeals joyfully, and kind of side walks, very energetically. This is very typical behavior for him.

It was very crowded, and at times, a little overwhelming to keep him from plowing into people, because he has no, none, zero, spatial body awareness. Nor does he understand social norms about personal space. But man, he was being really good and having the best time.

We decided to let him take a break from bowling and I took him for a walk through the restaurant bar and into a big game room. Both were pretty empty, considering how busy the actual bowling area was today.

Travis never squealed loudly or came close to anyone. He was happily going from machine to machine and checking things out. On our way into the game room, a lady carrying a baby in a car seat, was behind us. I noticed her and she joined a small group in the corner playing the basketball game. I noticed them because, they were literally, the only other souls in there. They had a three year old boy with them.

The young mom and older lady began motioning towards Travis. Of course I saw them. I am protective of my child and aware of our environment. They were making fun of him and mocking his mannerisms. I was in shock. It wasn’t a played down thing like, ‘I wonder what’s wrong with him,’ or a ‘Geez, he is loud’ thing. His father and I get those responses often and we apologize for his boisterous behavior.

Nope, this time was different. Full on mean looks and cruel laughter.

I was completely in denial.

Never have I ever encountered such hate and prejudice in my life. I’ve witnessed it, but never has it been directed at my child, or anyone’s child for that matter.

We walked past them and the older woman sneered at me. She almost growled.

In complete shock I took Travis back to his dad.

Then, as we are getting ready to go, we decided to give the kiddo five bucks in quarters to play a few of his favorite games in the game room. Travis and I head back in the same direction. Only this time I’m fully aware of the negativity being directed towards us.

As we walk closer to their table, the older woman is taking a drink. She notices us. She motions to her young friend and they stare at us.

I stared back. Hard. I kept walking towards them, pausing at an uncomfortable closeness.

Travis is squealing behind me. His joyful ‘I am having so much fun,’ squeal. I watched their sneers go from contempt to surprise.

Soon they understood. Only I was not moving away or lowering my head in shame this time.

I stopped and stood there staring. The hurt and protection were probably pretty clear on my face, saying, ‘Shame on you. He is a child and let him be happy.’

I didn’t waiver. I was an intentional shield between their cruelty and my unaware son.

Soon they both lowered their heads.

After that, this momma bear checked several times and the two women didn’t even look in our direction again. For the meantime, the problem of our child being a target of ridicule was handled. Please don’t think this mom will be passive with anyone actively trying to shame or poke fun at any child for engaging in autistic mannerisms and stimming behaviors.

If you are an adult, you are accountable.

I’ve learned that not everyone is willing play nice in the presence of diversity. As the adults, especially when we are taking care of children, we are accountable for our behaviors. The behaviors we initiate and respond to will determine the type of people we surround ourselves with socially.

I doubt Travis understood the conflict between me and the other two women. If he ever does, I hope that someday he understands that people who embrace our differences will make us stronger and better humans. And that sometimes life throws us a curve ball and we need to adjust and keep going.

Realizing my small victory in reminding these women that you don’t mess with an autism parent during the spring break weekend, I took a slow deep breath and joined my child playing with the coin machines.

I was shaking. I was still in protection mode. I could have taken this opportunity to try to engage and educate these ladies about autism, but I didn’t. I chose to be protective and direct in a nonverbal way. I think in the future, given a similar situation, I will try to be more proactive, and take the higher road, by offering compassion for their ignorance.

I have no excuse. Today just wasn’t the day to mess with this autism mom and her son.

While making our way back to our table, a young, tall gentleman, with bright purple and spiked hair and a white Rug Rats t-shirt on, came into the bowling alley. He smiled at us. A big, friendly smile. The kind of smile that enlightens the immediate world around you with love and acceptance.

The smile he gave us, changed my mood. It neutralized the negativity I had been carrying in those moments, after interacting with the two women.

And in that moment, somehow, the world seemed balanced again.

Written by, Amy Gillett

My name is Amy Gillett, and I am beginning to share, through my writing, the chronicles of our son’s life and journey. I live with my husband and son in Michigan.  Our child has severe autism, with limited verbal ability. Travis is 11 and is very active! He loves being outside swimming, jumping and swinging.  He is the center of the universe, and if you were unaware of this, he will use his super powers to convince you otherwise.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.