Divide and Conquer: A Way of Life for our family
This morning Sawyer had a family breakfast at his preschool. When we initially saw the invite we knew that if both Jamie and I wanted to attend we’d have to make arrangements for someone to watch Cooper and bring him to school. At this time, he is unable to attend an event such as this. It’s our reality. He doesn’t sit or participate. He isn’t safe. And it would make the experience not enjoyable for Sawyer. And that’s not fair.
When I think about our family, one of my greatest concerns for the future is the constant separation. As Sawyer ages, he’s going to have more activities and events. Sports, outings, events at school, play dates. I could go on and on. If I really want to torture myself I think about Sawyer’s first communion, graduation and wedding. What if Cooper can never go? Will we always be divided? One parent stays home. One parent goes. And switch.
The reality is if we want Sawyer to experience life we have to split the kids. It’s tough. We always miss someone. And the guilt is real.
We couldn’t find someone to help with Cooper this morning so we had to decide which parent got to go. I was picked.
I was bummed this morning as Sawyer and I left dad and Cooper behind. I could tell Jamie was bummed too. We should all be here. We can’t. It’s our reality.
I share posts like this not to be sad. But to be honest. I know our family isn’t the only one going through this. It’s also one I had no idea existed before we had Cooper. I just assumed families did things together. I didn’t know there would be so much division.
During breakfast, Sawyer looked around and asked where dad was. I explained where he was and why. He nodded and said, ‘At least you’re here mom. Wanna play cars?’
I think he’s starting to understand. This is his reality too. But it’s sure a lot for a five year old to need to understand.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.
