It’s Going to be Okay, Because You Will Make it Okay

I often get overwhelmed by life. Parenting, working, surviving, money, winter, whatever. You name it. I’m human. But typically, the worries I carry around life have answers that I can see. I may not always be able to do them or fix the problem but I do know what I ‘should’ do.

I don’t always feel like that with my son’s autism. I feel like the questions are more confusing. They are harder. They are unique. I often feel like the questions and concerns live in the grey area. It’s not black and white. I’m often guessing. I go with my gut instinct most of the time.

To put it clearly, I often feel like I’m taking a quiz I didn’t prepare for. And the stakes are high. It’s a little boys life. It’s his safety. His happiness. His future.

And it’s often stressful.

Some days I just wish someone could tell me if it’s all going to be okay.

I was talking to a friend last night about moving. I told her all of my worries about Cooper and his safety. We are going to have second story windows. And three exits instead of two. The fence won’t go up until midsummer.

I don’t know who the neighbors are or if they are nice. Will they be kind? Should I introduce Cooper to them right away?

I went on to vent about how my worries sometimes consume my thoughts. And very few people understand.

Jamie and I should be so excited about this move. And don’t get me wrong. We are. But, with Cooper it is different.

He is smart, fast, big and has no concept of danger. And my little man never stops moving.

I explained how in our current home, Cooper can wander free throughout. The whole thing is Cooper proofed. There are no sharp objects. Doors are locked. Outlets are covered. Dangers are concealed. We’ve figured them all out.

And, our house is so tiny, that when Cooper wakes up in the morning, he can sit in the living room and practically be ten feet from my bed. I can hear him. I know what he’s doing. I know he is safe.

If you are new to this page you may think I am about talking about a toddler. I am not. Cooper is seven. And he has no concept of danger or safety.

The fear is real.

As I was talking to her, I sorta let myself go down a worry hole as I was explaining. Which I don’t normally do. I’m proactive. I’m a planner. I prepare.

In real life, I very rarely let my guard down and talk about the worries. Especially not with someone who doesn’t have an autistic child because they just don’t understand.

But some days, in a safe conversation, I let myself say how hard this all is.

And this friend said to me, ‘Kate, it’s going to be okay. Because, just like everything else in Cooper’s life, you will make it okay.’

It was such a simple thing to say. But wow did it make me feel good.

For years, and even still today, I’ve agonized over the question, ‘Is this going to be okay?’ Am I strong enough to handle whatever is thrown at us?

I remember thinking in the beginning, when Cooper was diagnosed and I saw glimpses of the future…’this is not okay.’ I was so scared.

Cooper was so challenging. He refused to try, communicate, eat, sleep. I would lie in bed at night and try figure out a way to make this okay. Except, at the time, the answers weren’t easy. To get services we’d have to move. Therapy didn’t seem to work. I couldn’t find the answers to any of my questions. The school district wasn’t helping. Family and friends weren’t necessarily on board. Doctors were no help.

I felt like I was the only mom who had a child with severe, nonverbal autism.

As he aged the question continued.

My son has no words. How can this be okay?

My son can’t handle public education or even special education. How can this be okay?

My son can’t leave the house safely. How can this ever be okay?

My son will need lifelong care. How can this be okay?

My son won’t understand when I die. How can this be okay?

I still wonder these questions. ALL THE TIME.

But I also think about them differently. I am going to do everything in my power to make Cooper’s life wonderful. I will make his home a safe place. I will get him the therapies that work. I will get him the education. We will practice leaving the house. We will make preparations for lifelong care. I won’t stop. I’ll just keep preparing as he grows and I age.

I don’t have all the answers. I doubt I ever will.

But it is our job as parents to make this all okay. A job that we don’t take lightly. We advocate. We push when needed. We never ever give up. We think creatively.

So, when I am at the beginning of the stress, and at the bottom of the mountain, I am going to remind myself. This will be okay because I will make it okay.

Cooper is amazing. He is loved. And we will be okay.

Brothers

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.