Let Your Child Show You The Way

As a young child, my son Cody was always full of energy and often became dysregulated and would have meltdowns and tantrums for hours at a time. I remember sitting against his bedroom wall just watching him during one of these meltdowns to make sure he didn’t hurt himself. There was really nothing I could do.

I just made sure he was safe. Those were very hard times in our journey. I didn’t know what he needed and felt so helpless.

I can say I look back and I now know most of the meltdowns were due to his inability to communicate on a level we could understand. He only had sounds, no actual words, so we didn’t know what he needed. We worked using the PECs system and had pictures all over the house that he could refer to when he needed something. This took a while for him to grasp the concept but he eventually did.

It took many years and when Cody grew tired of using PECS we had to move on. He still didn’t have any actual words but he was getting frustrated with the pictures and would just throw them so I assumed he was done. We tried the communication device but he didn’t seem to understand/like it so we moved on. We tried sign language but again he didn’t seem interested. Cody is unable to hold a pencil and doesn’t like writing so writing out his feelings or wants wasn’t an option.

As his mother, I felt that he really wanted to use his words. So, I just began to talk to him in a conversational way just like you would with anyone.

I would ask him how his day was when he got home from school and he never answered for so very long and would just run down the hall squealing and stimming. I then started asking how his day was and then I would say, ‘well, I hope you had a great day!’

I’d tell him I missed you and off he’d go stimming down the hallway once again. Then I started asking him if he had a good day and then I would prompt him with yes or no. Same thing…squeals and stimming down the hallway. This took years and I wish I could tell you it was overnight but with autism everything and I mean everything takes so much longer.

Then the day came when I asked him if he had a good day and prompted him with a yes or no and he said yes! I just built on that from there.

I’m not extraordinary. I just took my queues from Cody and listened to what he needed and how he wanted to communicate and waited until he was ready to start talking.

He has evolved into short stints of conversations using only about three phrase words at a time. He still has many times when he’s not able to find his words and many times when I have no idea what he is trying to tell me but we work hard on this every day. Sometimes if he can’t find his words I have said, do you have a picture you can show me and he’s able to find a video or a picture from his picture book and most of the time I can figure out what he’s saying.

He beams when this happens and everyone in the house is jumping for joy!

Cody’s meltdowns went from a child completely out of control running through the house, biting himself, kicking walls, breaking windows and attacking others to a child that is learning to cope with his emotions through the coping strategies we have implemented along with his voice.

He is a happier, calmer Cody. He still has bad days but when these days come we are able to “talk about it” and discuss his calm-down strategies and he is learning to use them on a daily basis. I’ve no doubt that with each day it will become easier for him to use these techniques to have a happier and more successful life.

I have two pieces of advice for this journey: Let your child show you the way and use your struggles as your inspiration!

Written by Leasa Hoogerwerf

My name is Leasa.  I am the mom of Cody who is 17 years old and diagnosed with severe autism.  We were told to institutionalize him early on and decided to do the complete opposite keep him with us, love him and work with him nonstop.  Cody spoke his very first word at 9 years old.  I started Cody Speaks to document our journey and share with others hope and encouragement.

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