To The Person Who Saved Me

I want to take you back a year ago. To a different me. When it was a much darker time. Where I was the mom who is spending more days crying than not. A mom who felt hopeless. Who looked at her son, and wanted to do everything within herself to help him, but didn’t know how. Who didn’t want to anything, anymore.

A person who was depressed.

I typed in the google search, ‘therapists near me.’ So many options came up. I’d look their profiles over, and they all seemed nice. I even made a couple phone calls, but it just didn’t feel right. Or feel like that was what I needed. I knew something was wrong. But I wasn’t sad about things I could improve/change in my life, or talk out…like my marriage, or my career.

I was scared because my son had autism and sad that no one understood what that felt like. And not to say my husband didn’t get it, he did. But, I needed more.

And when I was at my breaking point, I met someone extraordinary. This is why I believe in magic and miracles, because this person healed me. It was exactly what I had been searching for. Do you ever meet someone and just feel that instant connection? Like you had to have been friends in a previous life? That’s what I felt in this person.

She was everything I felt inside, but was able to speak it, before I could. Only, and only if you’ve been in that dark place, that ugly, self doubting, scary place…can you understand how it feels to find someone who understands you. Who relates to you.

It’s life changing. It was for me. And she was the very first person I told, Noah has autism.

She has broken down with me in the car, many times in fact. And given me the comfort and strength to persevere. She speaks and feels every single thing I do. My sadness. My fears. My worries. The things I want to deny and hide but when you do, they consume you.

She sat with me in the darkness, until I could look on the bright side…and in fact, helped pull me out of the shadows.

And the people, unlike me, who are the lucky enough to know her in person, I hope they know how lucky they are to have her in their lives. Yep, you read that right. I’ve never met her in person…yet she saved me. Truly.

Before I met her, I was a different person. I couldn’t see the happy…and I’m not sure I would be where I am today, if it wasn’t for her.

So friend, thank you.

Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. For your humor and compassion. For your smile and your kindness. For advocating and teaching acceptance. For showing us what unconditional love is. For having a strength like I’ve never seen before. And most of all, for saying that raising a child with special needs is hard, when no one else could.

You have given me, and so many others, a place to call home.

Love you friend.

Written by, Danielle Mager

Danielle is the proud mama to Noah, a handsome, silly, strong willed, almost three year old who also happens to be on the spectrum. Danielle blogs at story of noahism and shares their journey on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/storyofnoahism/.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.