The Day We Drove our Autistic Son to Residential Treatment

I’ve gone round and round with deciding whether to share this part of our autism journey or not. I hope to share in a way that is always helpful as well as inspirational even though it definitely was a very low point. Everyone’s journey is going to be very different. Some are going to be filled with much more heartache and struggles but in the end we’re all striving to do our very best in learning how to navigate this world of autism.

I hope you find something helpful in my story.

The day we drove our son Cody to a residential treatment center is forever imprinted in my memory. And whenever Cody has difficult days trying to cope with his aggression and outbursts, I’m quickly reminded of this day which still fills me with such guilt, apprehension and sorrow.

I had been dealing with aggressive behaviors for many years and Cody’s aggression was getting progressively worse and I really didn’t know what to do. Cody was getting bigger and stronger every day and he was much more difficult to manage and keep safe.

I had reached out many times in a desperate call for help to our case coordinator and was simply told to call the police. I was afraid of calling the police for fear of what may ensue. I was sure they would put him in hand restraints which would surely not end well.

Cody had been destroying the house breaking windows and kicking holes in most every wall. It was clear to me he needed something that he wasn’t getting and I wasn’t sure how to provide this or even what it was. I was desperate. I was absolutely drained and had nothing more to give and felt I could no longer provide care for Cody and I was becoming afraid of him and what he might do.

It was the hardest decision but I felt I didn’t have any other options.

We packed a bag for him and drove him to residential placement. It was about 45 minutes away. I remember feeling numb. I had completely shut down.

I was paralyzed with fear but I didn’t want to continue going in the direction that we were going. It was evident that I couldn’t give Cody what he needed and I thought maybe they could or maybe they could give us the tools we needed to care for him.

I really just wanted help. I didn’t really want to give him up. I was in a desperate plea for help.

When we arrived there wasn’t much discussion really. We signed something which I later learned was signing over our rights to care for Cody. A couple of men in white coats came and whisked Cody away. It happened so very fast and I didn’t really comprehend what had just happened.

I then started to panic thinking what if I never get him back? But I didn’t know what else to do. I was all alone with him every day and he was so aggressive day in and day out and I was so very afraid of what might happen if I didn’t get help. I paced the hallway trying to look in through the double doors to get a glimpse of what was going on. I kept asking questions. I was assured Cody was fine. He was having a snack and a juice box.

Finally, after three hours Cody was released to our care simply because he had no communication and therefore, they couldn’t hold him.

I was relieved but thought now what. Nothing’s changed. He’s still going to be aggressive and I still have no help.

Soon after returning home, we received a phone call from our case coordinator and she informed us that they were going to provide us with a crisis intervention wrap-around program to help with Cody’s aggression. They would come to the home weekly to work with us for as long as it took to get his aggression under control. I was elated.

In the meantime, I realized Cody needed a place of his own. A place where he could not only be safe when he had outbursts but a retreat. I wanted to build him his very own movement room. I was careful to put everything in the movement room that Cody needed on a daily basis. Cody needed a lot of sensory and vestibular input so we primarily used items that would fill these needs.

We had the walls painted a calming gray and the ceiling black. The floor is covered in wall to wall padding very much the same material used in gyms. The ceiling has small fiber optic lights that glow. The swing he has hugs his body providing good sensory input and he’s able to swing back and forth and it spins and rotates. The room has a ball pit, an indoor jumpee as well as a TV with all his videos.

This room is all Cody’s and he absolutely loves it. He wakes up and runs to his movement room and when he gets home from school it’s where he retreats to. The day we finished this room everything changed. He needed a place to unwind at the end of a long day when the world just seems so overwhelming and overstimulating.

The crisis intervention was coming to our home during the same time we completed the movement room and together this created an entire shift in Cody’s behaviors. The crisis team was with us for almost two years.

In looking back I truly believe everything happens for a reason and even though I don’t know the reason why we took that long drive to potentially say goodbye and sign over our rights to further care for Cody, I truly believe it played some sort of a role in our lives. And from there, things changed and we got the help we so desperately needed.

Cody still resides happily with us and although I make no promises for what the future may bring I can only say I will continue to do my very best to love and care for my son and I hope he remains forever happy in our care.

Written by Lease Hoogerwerf

My name is Leasa.  I am the mom of Cody who is 17 years old and diagnosed with severe autism.  We were told to institutionalize him early on and decided to do the complete opposite keep him with us, love him and work with him nonstop.  Cody spoke his very first word at 9 years old.  I started Cody Speaks to document our journey and share with others hope and encouragement.

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