To my Son, A Brother Who Simply Loves

To my son,

I knew at a very young age I wanted to be a mother. I had to wait a long time for you to come but when you did I was so happy. You were so beautiful and I was finally a mother! I loved our perfect little family and loved watching you grow and become the person you are today.

When I was ready to give you a little brother or a little sister I could picture our family doing many things and couldn’t wait for you to have a playmate. Almost four years later we found out we were having another baby. I was even more excited to find out it was a little boy and that I would be lucky enough to raise brothers.

Around that same time we found out there was something different about your baby brother and that you would not be able to be a typical big brother. Finley had been diagnosed with Agenesis of the corpus callosum, which meant he was missing his connector between his left and right brain. He also had a fused plate in his skull which would require a big surgery around five months.

I was scared and unsure but when he arrived he was beautiful just like you were and healthier than the doctors thought he would be. I remember you coming to meet him for the first time and how your eyes lit up with joy.

From the start you were an amazing big brother. So gentle and understanding of how much time it took to take care of a baby. You were so helpful and loved your baby sooo much. You didn’t realize that Finley was different and that is what made your love even more beautiful. After his big surgery you still didn’t understand, you were too young. You simply loved your brother and when we got back from the hospital you were the first person to make him laugh again.

As time went on, Finley’s diagnosis didn’t seem to match his abilities and he continued to grow and thrive. He loved watching you and playing with you. He called you EE because he couldn’t say your name right and his first steps were even to you! In my mind we had the perfect little family and two adorable little brothers!

As more time went on Finley lost his words and it became clear that he was not developing at an age appropriate level. We went through many tests and we came to a diagnosis of Autism. With this new diagnosis came many more therapies and a new understanding of what Finley needs.

Since birth you have been so supportive to Finley. You’ve seen him go through hours and hours of therapy. You helped out whenever you could, you never complained, and you are always right there with your big beautiful smile. Recently, you have started to see the differences in him but you never say anything negative. You just say, ‘that’s our Finley.’

You have no idea how much you mean to me. You are the kindest most gentle and understanding brother. You never get upset if plans get changed or we miss things because of Finley. You do not get mad at him if he throws your toys or breaks your Legos. You look out for him always to make sure he will not get hurt and you are always helpful if we need you to grab something.

You are truly selfless in a very selfish world. Your love for Finley can be seen everyday and even though he no longer can say your name or wants to play with you, I know that he loves you too. There are moments when he hugs you or laughs with you and it melts my heart.

I know it is hard some days to have a brother like Finley and hard for us as a family to not do typical family things together. You see Mommy and Daddy have their ups and downs and probably feel like we put Finley first. I want you to know that we never put him before you. We try so hard to make sure you have all the love and support your bother has.

I still believe I have the perfect little family even though ours looks a little different. I have been so blessed to be a Mother even if it wasn’t the picture I had in my head waiting for you. I think this picture is even better and that we are one lucky family to have you in it. I am so proud of you and the boy you have become.

I believe you were chosen to be Finley’s brother because of who you are. You are amazing and I love you to the moon and back! No backsies!

Written by Heather Stanek

My name is Heather Stanek and I’m a stay at home mom to two amazing boys. Aidan who is 9 and Finley who is 5. Finley was diagnosed at birth with Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum and also Autism about a year and a half ago.

Photos provided by Molly V Photography.

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