Loving Our Son For Who He Is With No Expectations

This post is about the ‘start’ of our autism journey with our now 17 year old son Cody, who is on the severe end of the autism spectrum. This is when I first realized that my life was not going to be as I had anticipated or even hoped it was going to be and how I learned to be okay with it.

And more importantly, how I turned those lost hopes and dreams into what is now my only desire. A lifetime of happiness for my son with no other expectations.

I remember when I first noticed that my son Cody wasn’t progressing as he should be. He had no eye contact, continually flapped his hands and did eye stimming and head tilting. I remember he would walk in circles while tilting his head and eye stimming to the point of getting dizzy and falling down.

At one point we thought he was deaf. I remember standing behind him and clapping my hands right behind the back of his head and telling my husband “watch this” and Cody wouldn’t even flinch. That was the start of our autism journey.

Cody was just 17 months old.

Our journey continued with the countless blood draws. Watching your child being held down while he screamed because he didn’t understand what was happening was heart wrenching. I remember watching him while tears ran down my face. I was helpless.

We had tests to rule out this and rule out that. I would sit for hours each night researching how best to help him. It was very overwhelming and I struggled knowing what the future might hold.

He had a DAN (defeat autism now) doctor for a while which was very confusing. We were left with stacks of papers with test results that were hard to decipher. However, during that time we introduced B12 injections and we saw a great improvement in his eye contact.

Then, we went right into changing his diet. There was really no change in his behaviors from this. He did a series of biofeedback but I’m not certain that was helpful either. We did chelation which is extracting of heavy metals from his body through a topical cream. Again, uncertain if that did anything at all. I was willing to try really anything to help him.

Then, we introduced ABA therapy which I know has been helpful and he continues to receive this therapy today.

I tell you all this to say that I was just not willing to stop until I found what ultimately helped Cody.

Every child on the spectrum is so very different and it took many years and it was so very hard but in the end so worth it. We have come so far and sometimes I think back and wonder how did we get here? There were so many days that were so very dark that I really didn’t think we’d make it.

The days Cody would scream for hours at a time unconsolable. The times he would lash out and I now understand why. The hitting and kicking and breaking of things.

It was like living in a nightmare. I had a little boy that couldn’t communicate and oftentimes I compared it to being in a foreign country and not speaking the language when you so desperately need to communicate your wants or needs and no one understands you. You go from person to person trying to communicate with no connection.

This is what was happening to my little boy for so many years. When you understand this it helps to understand where he’s coming from and why he has so many outbursts.

Does it make it any easier? No, of course not, but somehow, just understanding this is enough.

As I have continued to work with Cody on his communication his aggression has diminished substantially but he still needs to continually work on this every single day to keep his aggression under control. He’s learning his coping skills and he’ll use them regularly on his own now and I’m so very proud of him. He wants to be calm but sometimes it’s hard to control it.

Some days, this journey is the hardest, most grueling path and other days it is just simply amazing.

This is what I call life and it’s our life and I have learned to embrace all the challenges and triumphs that come our way. I promise you everyone has their own struggles in life and ultimately that is how you grow and become better!

Embrace your life and whatever that looks for you!

(I am sharing this video of Cody because this one video has given me more hope than I have had in a long time. Look at his smile. His joy. Listen to him words. Cody said his first word at 9 years old! Listen to is amazingly patient and loving mother. This isn’t a sad life. This is a joyous, beautiful life. Thank you Leasa and Cody. You came to me exactly when I needed it. -Kate Swenson, Cooper’s mom)

https://www.facebook.com/308385252995386/videos/356511851516059/

Written by, Leasa Hoogerwerf

My name is Leasa.  I am the mom of Cody who is 17 years old and diagnosed with severe autism.  We were told to institutionalize him early on and decided to do the complete opposite keep him with us, love him and work with him nonstop.  Cody spoke his very first word at 9 years old.  I started Cody Speaks to document our journey and share with others hope and encouragement.

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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.