Is Letting Go the Key to Enjoying this Journey?
With the flip of a page our Speech therapist asked our son Jojo simple questions as part of an assessment update. The first ones he nailed, naming objects like girl, ball and horse. Then it was, point to the spotty dog IN the box, the teddy UNDER the bed, the dolly with PINK pants. With each line of questions the answers were less correct. These simple questions, that a three year old would know, yet my boy who is turning five next birthday can’t answer.
The therapist closed the book and gave her feedback. “Severe” and “low functioning” were used as has often been said about him. I cried, as per usual.
Day ruined once again by hearing something you know to be true, something you think about hundreds of times a day, something you pray will be different one day, spoken ALOUD over your child.
‘But this is just a test,’ says the therapist. ‘This is not the full picture of your son. This doesn’t take account for all the progress he has made, and all the things he knows, does and loves that isn’t mentioned in the test.’
‘This is purely a comparison to where children without additional needs are tracking in specific areas.
It hit me. She was right! This doesn’t take account for the person who my boy is and is becoming. Not only the progress he has made in the areas he struggles with but all the many things that he is AMAZING and flourishes in. The unique way he sees the world, his magnetic personality, his kind, soft, in-corruptible heart. His sense of humor and ability to see so many of the things we miss.
Why does it hurt so much when we are talking assessment and process, when we have to define and label his place in the world? Why does it hurt to hear he is not normal?
And just like that I let myself think about all of the ‘what ifs.’
What if I spent more time focusing on all the things that is great about my kid rather than the stuff that is not so great?
What if I focused on what he could do rather than what he can’t?
What if I started looking at him as I once did when he was a baby in my arms, as a whole, complete, perfect little human?
What if instead of forcing him to fit into a mold that the world sees as normal I threw the mold away?
What if I let go of the obsession with milestones he is supposed to be hitting and the widening distance between him and his peers?
What if TIME was no longer KING and we were no longer SLAVES to it?
What if I stopped seeing his development as a project and rather a life to be nurtured, encouraged, with his own world of possibilities?
What if we spent more time in the day playing the games he loved and learning about the things he loved?
What if I stopped comparing him completely?
What if to parent joyfully I need to fully let go of MY hopes and dreams for my child? Would it release us all from impossible expectations and open us up to the unexpected?
What if letting these things go was actually giving my son permission to be who he is meant to be?
What if to parent joyfully, I have to fully embrace the new road, new path, road less traveled as an exciting adventure rather than seeing it as a detour from where we really want to be?
What if letting go is the key to enjoying this journey as a family?
Written by, Niki Lochens
Niki is the mum to 2 beautiful boys with additional needs. She believes in living fully and embracing the extraordinary as a family with additional needs. Niki shares their journey on Facebook at Strong Special Family.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.
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