I Didn’t Understand Until Autism Happened To Me

I am the parent who is judged. And the parent that I used to judge. I’m the bad parent that can’t control her child. I’m the parent with the backpack leash.

I don’t care if you silently mock me or condemn me to parent hell for my child wearing it. You’d surely condemn me if he let go of my hand and darted into traffic, which he would try to do, because he doesn’t understand danger.

Two years ago my sister and her daughter came to my house. Her daughter was wearing a backpack leash. I burst out laughing! I said, ‘What the heck is that for? She’s not a puppy! You are so silly!’

Guess who got the last laugh with that one? I know she’s laughing at me now.

Let’s be honest. It’s more of a fashion statement than anything. Don’t act like you don’t want to wear one too. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Remember the rompers from last week. It’s not our fault the rest of the world can’t get on the same page. Rompers and backpack leashes are “in”.

Several years ago, I posted on my personal Facebook page that I couldn’t believe a parent would allow their child to act like a brat.

I love how those words came back to bite me in the ass.

I am blessed as a mother of many and I’ve learned a few things throughout the years. The most important lesson I’ve learned is that no child is a brat.

My oldest child is beautiful, smart, and funny. Every year I’ve been told by her teachers, doctors, and daycare providers how wonderful she is.

She is the poster child for obedience, kindness, and integrity, so when I was informed that someone had cut her hair a couple years ago I was so angry. See my daughter absolutely loves her long hair and so do I. She has the most beautiful red hair I’ve ever seen. I literally tell her everyday that she is B-E-A-U-tiful! Because she is.

I remember my daughter saying the boy (the one I called a brat) was always being bad and that no one cared. I of course called and raised a fuss about it.  I was told that he had bothered her for a while and the situation escalated to him cutting her hair.

At the time I didn’t even think that this child might’ve had an intellectual or developmental disorder of some sort. I also didn’t think about the possibility that he might’ve acted out because he didn’t receive love or attention at home. He’d cut my little girl’s hair and that’s all I cared about.

I still think about that situation to this day.

But isn’t that how it normally happens? You don’t care to know until something effects you directly. That’s how I used to be.

I didn’t take an interest in Colon Cancer until my grandfather died from it. I didn’t even know what cardiac tamponade meant until it killed my father. I literally used to think ADHD was an excuse for an out of control child.

That is, until autism happened to me.

It’s 2018 and a lot of people still have no understanding of autism.

When they see a sensory overload in it’s rawest form at the grocery store they too think it’s just another bratty child. ‘That child needs discipline and ‘A good spanking will turn them right around.’

These people are misinformed and uneducated about autism.

Just like I was.

Just a few weeks ago, an elderly woman with a Jesus bumper sticker attended a yard sale I had. She spoke to one of my twin boys and he spoke back. After she was done shopping she mistakenly thought Hank was the first twin she’d spoken to, so when he didn’t respond she seemed confused.

I informed her that there were two boys (while pointing at both) and the one she was talking to wasn’t the same twin she’d spoke to prior. I also mentioned that he might have autism and that he doesn’t talk much.

She quickly stated, ‘that’s a shame’ while going on about how she thought he was mentally retarded and continued to ask me questions about ‘how this happened to him.’

Let me tell ya, it took a lot for me not to dye my hair red and become a #Cashmeoutside hashtag. Mostly because we were already outside and it would be frowned upon to beat up an old woman with a Jesus bumper sticker.

I can just imagine the headline…’Woman covered in tattoos beats up innocent elderly woman with Jesus bumper sticker.’  You know how the media likes to spice things up.

This woman was misinformed. She didn’t know autism. And not all children with ASD have an intellectual disability and calling a child retarded is not only outdated and rude, but it made her Jesus bumer sticker look null and void.

PSA to the world:

Anyone who has been to church knows Jesus loves the little children. The song doesn’t say Jesus loves the little children except those with disabilities.

I wasn’t too hard on the elderly lady. I understand she might be set in her ways. She might not know the lingo or whatever excuse people might have for her.

But, it opened my eyes to how far we have to go to educate the world.

Written by, Star Morrison

Star is the mother to two amazing little boys, Hank and Gunner. She shares their story at Autism After Dark and on Facebook.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.

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