My Daughter, I See You

Kylie, My Daughter,

In a few weeks, you’re turning 10. Oh, baby girl, if I could only somehow let you see yourself through my eyes, you would understand how the years pass so quickly. Just yesterday, I was snuggling you up to my chest, breathing in your new baby smell. Then I blinked and before me stood YOU: an opinionated, passionate, kind, witty girl.

When you were a toddler, I remember you walking confidently into Sunday School. You never cried. You simply trusted us to always be there for you, and we have tried.

That was before, in a way that all shoe-dropping situations have a before and after. Before your brother came into the world.

Before Autism stole your parents, the ones who smiled and laughed, and loaded you in the car just to go. You loved to go. You still do. That’s why I need you to know with every single cell within you that I SEE you. I SEE you sacrificing your childhood for the sake of your brother.

Everyday I mourn the life you could have had. Autism is hard, baby, and you are in the front seat beside us. It’s not all bad, but it isn’t all good either. I know that this is hard. I know that this is every day of your life, and you didn’t choose it. You are an amazing sister, sweetheart.

You are his best friend, his advocate, his voice, his partner, and He loves you more than you comprehend.

Your father and I have always said that who you become is more important than grades, money, athletics. I know that, in the end, your brother has made you a better person. You know that life isn’t perfect, or even happy in and of itself. You’ve experienced brokenness, loss, disappointment more than anyone your age should.

I wish I could level the playing field for you. I want to give you the world, make things even. Your life isn’t fair. I’m sure you sometimes want a normal family. It’s okay to want normal. Want gives us the persistence to push through when things are difficult.

Know that I am proud of the woman you are becoming. When you put a princess costume in your backpack so your friend could have one for party at school, everything inside me cried out with joy. When you refused to go to Chuck-E-Cheese without your brother, or yelled at the aunt who dared yell at YOUR brother at Thanksgiving, I celebrated inside. You stand up for those who can’t do it for themselves, and there is no greater quality than loving others. You do this so well.

When I asked you why you had a crush on Mason, you said that he went out of his way to play with the boy in your class who has autism. That, my sweet girl, the innate wisdom to demand character of those around you fills me with so much hope and confidence in YOU. Your heart for others and love are infectious.

Thank you for always being willing to try anything. From volunteering at the Feed Our Starving Children Mobile Pack to Sensory Screenings at Northern Lights, you are a good sport knowing that we could have to change our plans.

I often find myself saying that Your attitude determines your future. Know that when I say this to you, I am saying it to myself. You can do anything that you’re willing to put the work into. Anything.

I know that you have a bright, beautiful future stretching ahead. The possibilities are endless. You are endless.

If you take anything from your childhood, don’t let your circumstances identify who you are. Let them inspire you to greatness. Change the world, not for me, or your dad, or your brother, for yourself. You are important. You are amazing. I love you more than I ever imagined possible. And. I SEE YOU.

All of my love forever,

Mom

Written by, Tabetha Burgin

Tabetha is a wife, mother, christian, and writer with deep appreciation for her southern roots. She blogs about life, loving yourself, and finding joy in the journey. You can follow their story on Facebook.

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