A Letter to My First Born: Thank You
To my first born Omar,
I want to thank you. Thank you for the ways that you have held me together. For the ways that you have been able to carry a weight so heavy on some days that it should have dragged you down. But it didn’t. You smiled through. There were times I was so distraught and so impatient, that you didn’t need to forgive me for my loss of control and failure as your mom. But you did.
From the first time you heard your brother needed brain surgery to the day you heard the word autism, your world changes as much as his, but you never fell apart. Even though I do, nearly everyday.
You found a way to be silly. You lightened the mood. You made me smile. You’ve always been able to do that since you were a toddler. You try again. You are always brave enough to try again. When you have been defeated, when the world is ugly, when you have failed, you were always able to continue smiling, trying, and loving. On my loneliest days, you are a wonderful companion to me. You are my cheerleader, my pal, and in many ways my teacher.
You didn’t have to turn out this way. There are many reasons for you not to have. But this is just the beginning. I also want to thank you for giving me all the firsts a mom expects and longs for. Words, Little League games, mommy and me classes. I know this part did not depend on you, but I cherish it.
And just when someone might think that there wouldn’t be much more, you go and surpass what anyone could expect from a seven or eight-year-old. Thank you for being the most amazing big brother ever to Lucas.
Thank you for the way you helped grandma Google “autism Christmas gifts for a preschooler” so he would be blessed by what was under the Christmas tree for him.
Thank you for coming to and waiting through endless therapy visits.
Thank you for enduring endless conversations about autism all around you and with you and about all the things it would change and take away. Things that would change for good and for bad. Through it all you love. You love your brother with such a special selfless sensitive bond that he knows comfort, security, fun, and even behavior modification and new words from you. I can’t even count the amount of times that you had to swallow the statement, “we can’t… because of Lucas… because he is autistic…”
You are my superhero. Lucas was born into the perfect family to have you as his older brother guiding the way. You advocate for him daily, educate others about autism, and you always make choices like getting a second prize or piece of candy for him when you collect your reward after your own doctor visits. You never stop loving him no matter what he has done to you, not when he hits, bites, or throws your special stuff behind the couch.
You inspire, restore, and re-create joy and hope in every day for our family with your patient endurance and generosity. The best parts of our family are often brought to light by you.
Thank you for unknowingly convincing me that even though it has tried, autism hasn’t taken everything from us. Maybe it has magnified the beauty and capacity for it, inside of each of us.
Written by, Nicole Garcia
Hi, my name is Nicole Garcia, and I am a 36 year old mother of two beautiful boys. My 8 year old, Omar, is the person I wrote my letter to. And my almost four year old, Lucas, was officially diagnosed with autism in December, though his autistic type struggles have been going on in my world for many months. I am a physical therapist by trade, although my main job now is discovering my new role in this autism mom world.
Interested in writing for Finding Cooper’s Voice? LEARN MORE
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.
