A Conversation with a Stranger
Last week I helped a father while his daughter was in the middle of an autistic meltdown. We’ve all been there. As the parent your focus is safety and getting through the meltdown. This man needed an extra pair of hands. And I had no problem offering mine.
After she calmed down we had a quick conversation that has stuck with me.
Without knowing each other, or saying much more than an introduction, he said, ‘I didn’t know how hard it was going to be. And I really didn’t know that autism was going to affect every part of my life.’
With that one sentence I felt a connection with this person. Although we didn’t know each other, we were leading parallel lives. We both have children with severe, nonverbal autism. We are in the same club. Same worries. Same fears. I understood him and he understood me. We didn’t need to justify our words or actions or end every sentence with, ‘but I love my child.’
Instead, we just listened to each other and offered emotional support. It was pretty amazing.
As he told me about his daughter I found myself tearing up a bit. She is nonverbal. She is on the severe end of the spectrum. She has self injurious behavior. Their life is challenging. I found myself nodding along as he was talking. I often wonder if strangers think I feel bad for their child. Or if they think I have sympathy for them because they have a disabled child.
I don’t. That’s the truth. I know that our children are fighters. I know they are strong and amazing. I admire parents that are on this journey.
But as people tell me about their children I do feel bad about one thing. I feel bad because I know how this has affected their family. I know what it’s like to be on that emotional roller coaster. I know the fear and worry that accompanies having a child with an unknown future. I know about the fight. I know how autism impacts our jobs, finances, marriages, relationships and sanity.
I don’t feel bad about the child. I feel bad because I understand. I just know by looking into another parents eyes what they are going through. What they have been through. I get it.
Find your people and build your village. Once you find the people that understand what you are going through you will feel like a weight has been lifted. It’s a huge blessing.
Take a listen as I talk about an impactful conversation I had with a complete stranger.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.
