How Does My Autistic Son Fit Into The Real World?

We spent the weekend at a water park. I will be honest when I say I was very worried about it. The trip involved a long drive, a hotel stay, waiting, walking, crowds, chaos, etc. You get it. Bringing Cooper somewhere like a water park would traditionally threw off his schedule for weeks. We’d go, have a really tough time and then come home thinking it would be better once we got him back into his routine with his things. Except we were wrong. Cooper, and our family, felt the effects of the trip for weeks. He’d stop sleeping, start waking up even earlier, stop eating and refuse to follow a schedule.

These are the reasons why this mama refused to travel with Cooper for years. He just couldn’t do it. I saw what it did to him. And I refused to force him into a negative situation. Yes, this caused a lot of bad blood for years. But it was necessary.

On top of that, Cooper didn’t enjoy outings. For years Cooper only enjoyed watching his shows on his Kindle. That is it. I know some people don’t believe me when I say statements like that. But the parents that have kiddos like Cooper do understand. We could take Cooper to a park and he would be miserable. We could take him to a zoo and have the same outcome. We’d always end up giving him his Kindle to calm him and the result would be Cooper doing the same thing he would do at home. Watching his shows. Except, he’d be extra anxious. He’d be on edge. He’d be running and wandering. He’d be pacing and looking for exits to elope.

Well, I am excited to tell you we had a pretty successful trip to the water park. Cooper had so much fun. He swam. He communicated. He sat. He waited when he could. He slept and ate. He didn’t spend his time trying to escape from the hotel room.

I was ecstatic as I watched him enjoy himself. I was equally ecstatic when I watched him relax. Both of these things are new in our world. I finally let out the breath I’d been holding for six long years. I mean it. For the first time our family enjoyed an activity together. Both boys swam. It wasn’t me chasing Cooper or daddy taking Cooper back to the room. It was different this time.

As I watched Cooper be part of the world I started to notice something. And I started to wonder how my autistic son as going to fit into society.

The world requires order. The world has rules and laws and social norms. As it should. We need them to avoid chaos. We wait in lines for a reason. We don’t run around joyfully screaming. We don’t pace around restaurants. We sit when it is necessary.

I know this. I am also a 34 year old woman without a disability.

My son is seven. He is autistic. He is nonverbal. He is finally starting to try to join the real world.

And he can’t quite yet.

He can’t follow the rules. He can’t wait. He can’t sit. He can’t be quiet or calm. At least not for more than a few seconds.

But damn he is trying.

And because he can’t he misses out on almost everything. He can’t wait in line for a water slide. He can’t sit and listen to a story. He can’t walk calmly around arcade.

He’s not being naughty. He’s not trying to break the rules. He doesn’t even know there are rules. At least not yet.

So, for the first time in my son’s life, I got a glimpse of my son interacting with the world. I saw the stares. I saw the chaos. But I also say him trying. I saw him waving and smiling at strangers. I saw him run up to a slide and immediately turn around when he couldn’t wait.

I saw Cooper. I saw him try. I have never been more proud of him.

Society isn’t ready though. And maybe they never will be. We need rules. We need order. We need patience and waiting.

I could never ask for the world to not have those things. It’s not fair. I get that.

I see both sides though. My kid could be part of the world with just a little accommodation.

Take a listen as I discuss my son’s needs and what society can offer him. Please be kind. This is a tough topic.

https://youtu.be/G5x_Ep1LneA

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.