I’m Thankful For You: My Oldest Son

(Editor’s Note: This article was provided by Kelli Stutzman and is part of Cooper’s, ‘I’m Thankful For You’ Campaign.)

This December I would like to honor and thank my oldest son Andrew. He is an amazing brother and son and I am so blessed to have him.

To start, I want to share with you just how much my son Andrew helped me.

Two years ago, at age 19, Andrew had just moved to Kansas City to live with his dad.

It was a whirlwind at our house.

I had just removed my three year old, Matthew, from an abusive daycare.

As a result he went back to the in-home daycare where he went previously.

The meltdowns were horrible and I needed to get him the care he needed as soon as possible. I felt desperate.

I was in the process of getting Matthew evaluated and diagnosed so I could get him into a program that used ABA therapy.

Finally, we got an autism diagnosis and he started attending ABA.  He thrived there!

Immediately the meltdowns were fewer.

I could tell the caregivers really cared. I witnessed interactions with them and my son that were heart warming and positive.

After his first week there they informed me he could attend one more week but since he could not participate in the individual or group therapy (he couldn’t talk about his feelings) he couldn’t go there anymore.

I didn’t know where to turn or what to do.  I begged them to let him stay.

I spent the next week researching, making phone calls, emailing, touring all kinds of places trying to find care for Matthew.

There were only two places in our city that I felt could handle special needs kids and there, of course, were waiting lists.

I had two choices: I could quit my job and stay home with him but we would likely be homeless within a month and Matthew still wouldn’t be getting what he needed.

Or, I could ask Andrew to move back home and care for his brother during the day while I worked.

Without hesitation I asked him. I knew my eldest son would do an amazing job.

Andrew, at 19 years old, cared for his three year old brother for over a year. Every day, for 9-10 hours a day.

He took him to Speech and Occupational therapy appointments. He took him to do fun things.

He followed a picture PECs chart so Matthew knew what he was expected to do every day.

He fed him, changed his diapers, played with him and most importantly, loved him.

A 19 year old!  For over a year!

Matthew is now in a public school preschool and thriving. He goes in the afternoons so Andrew is with him each day until he gets on the bus then he goes to work until late at night.

They have a very special bond.

Seriously, a 19 year old boy with so much responsibility and so much patience with his little brother.

I don’t know what I would do if it weren’t for Andrew helping me.

Matthew is a lucky little boy to have such an amazing brother and I am blessed to have two amazing kids!

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.