What Does Nonverbal Autism Really Look Like?

Before my son was diagnosed with autism at age three I had never heard the term, nonverbal autism. Not once. I had no idea that some children never learn to speak. Even to this day it still confuses me at times. My son is almost seven. He has no words. He is nonverbal. And I don’t know if he will ever learn to speak. I dread when people ask. I don’t know what to tell them.

Throughout every step of the last four years all I have ever wanted is for someone to tell me that this is going to turn out okay. I know that sounds crazy but it’s the truth. I have so many questions. Am I doing the right things for Cooper? Is he learning? Improving? Will it always be this hard? And lastly, when Cooper was first diagnosed, I wanted to know what nonverbal autism looked like at other ages. I would spend hours googling terms like, ‘nonverbal at age four’ and ‘nonverbal at age five.’ As Cooper neared age six I stopped googling. It made me too sad.

Today, Cooper and I are in a great place. He is thriving. I’ve settled into autism just as much as he has. So, I thought I would share some fun videos with you of my son at age 3 and age 6. They will warm your heart and show you how beautiful autism can be.

I stumbled onto a video this morning of Cooper at three years old. He was just diagnosed. We had just moved our little family three hours south from Duluth, MN to a new suburb so Cooper could attend an autism day treatment program. Life was tough. Cooper was incredibly rigid and full of anxiety. He didn’t play with toys. He slept six hours a night and not more than 45 minutes consecutively. He ate three foods and only drank milk. Out of his cup. He didn’t communicate. His autism completely controlled our lives. I remember I was driven by fear and hope. I had this absolutely beautiful precious boy that I loved so much. And damn, I was scared.

In this video I learn that Cooper knows all of his letters. I had no idea. When you have a nonverbal child I find it hard to always know what they know. They don’t willingly share it with you. You have to stumble onto it. You can see his joy and smile and hear his laughter in this video. He is so smart.

Flash forward to today. Cooper and I were driving home from school and he was chattering away nonverbally. Nothing was understandable. This is new for us. Cooper didn’t start babbling until recently. Yay! I also want to add that I talk to Cooper nonstop. When we are in the car I talk to him as if we are having a conversation. I tell him about my day, ask about his day, ask him questions, etc. Sometimes he responds. Sometimes he doesn’t. I don’t want that to sound sad. I do it for me and for him. For years we rode in silence and it broke my heart. So now, I talk to him. And someday, maybe, he will answer back.

Anyhow, he pointed to a bunch of Christmas lights on a house and I told him to say ‘ooh’ and then ‘aahh.’ And he repeated it after me! FIRST TIME PEOPLE. Two sounds together. Repeating. Correct sound. So huge in our world. This is a big win. So much that I made him say ooh and aahh all night long.

https://youtu.be/tSC8CU1mpPM

Last video! Years ago I was told by an Occupational Therapist that my son might not ever be able to drink from a cup. Cooper has severe Apraxia and has very little usage of the front of his mouth. He is unable to form sounds, blow, bite with his front teeth, etc. Because of that he used a sippy cup until age 5.5 and after months and months of therapy, eventually a straw. I’ll be honest, watching him attempt to drink from a cup and have the water dribble out was heartbreaking. Then, I get this video from his ABA Therapist. My kid rocking a cup. I have never been more proud of him. And he’s so nonchalant. Like it’s no big deal. He amazes me every single day.

This is what autism looks like in our world. Lots and lots of smiles, hugs, hope and faith. Faith in my son and faith that we are taking the right steps to give him his best life ever.