Let’s Talk About Hate
Hi there friend,
My name is Kate. I am Cooper’s mom. First, thank you so much for watching my video and commenting. A view is a view! When you leave comments, it reassures me that people are watching. So, again, thank you! I love getting my message out there. When I first started doing videos, I remember thinking, ‘no one is going to watch a video of me talking about autism.’ Then, before I knew it, I had two videos go viral and my videos were everywhere. Crazy, right? I even started speaking for state and local senators, my governor, for Medicaid, as an advocate, etc. You get the point. Did you by chance see that I met Jimmy Fallon? He thought Cooper was a cool kid. I even received thank you’s from Ashton Kutcher and U.S. Senator Amy Klobuchar. I digress though. I am sure you knew all that.
Back to you.
First, I want to commend you. Like really, really commend you. It is so unbelievably hard to stand up for the core values we believe in, especially publicly. I get that. I believe in kindness and inclusion. You believe in hate and aggression. Those are your values and you share them with the world. That is so hard. Virtual high five from an advocate that gets it!
I also find it incredibly brave to target a nonverbal child with a disability and his mom who is in the public eye and has such a huge reach. You could have easily picked on someone at your grocery store, your child’s school or even an all-inclusive park. Instead, you chose me. That takes guts. You have passion. And that can be so scary. I understand. Standing up for what we believe in is so hard and you are doing it!
Off the record, I just have to ask…does it kill you that the ‘R’ word is not politically correct anymore? I bet that was just a blow to your mission. You can’t just walk down the street anymore targeting people that are different than you. Dang it. Why must the world always change?
Secondly, back on the record, I see you and I am going to assume that you are tired. Being an advocate in general is hard but advocating for hate….whew! That’s a whole different beast. You must be exhausted having to share your unpopular message when the world is changing. In today’s day and age, the world is moving towards acceptance and inclusion and you refuse to budge. This is called taking a stance. Drawing a line in the sand. Refusing to change. I am proud of you for standing up for what you believe in. Hate and ignorance.
Third, let’s talk about your resilience. It is commendable. I am going to go out on a limb and guess that people in the ‘real world‘ disagree with you when you use hateful words or when you say phrases like, ‘I’d knock his ass out.’ For example in schools. What is up with inclusion, the ADA and the IDEA? Who gave ‘these people‘ rights and let them in our schools? Am I right? You must have lost your mind when your daughters school opened it’s doors to kiddos like my son.
I do have a question though. Parent to parent. How do you get your daughter to spread your message and not get in trouble with her friends? How do you call her peers the ‘R’ word and ‘knock their asses out?’ It has to be so confusing at play dates. Hey, ‘R’ word, don’t speak to my daughter. Gosh, advocacy is so hard.
I am also going to assume you must not work either. Unless you are a closet advocate for hate and I sure hope you are not friend. If I’ve learned anything it is shout your beliefs from the rooftop. Don’t hide. Although you might end up in jail! But for real though, it would be impossible to stand true to your beliefs in the workplace with so many employers dumping money into anti-racism and cultural competency campaigns. I know I work for a progressive employer and we embrace differences all the time. I picture your boss asking you to work with a person with a physical disability and you ‘knocking their ass’ out and quitting on the spot. So brave of you. I sure hope if you don’t work that you aren’t receiving Medicaid though. You know the biggest user of that program is people with disabilities. GASP! The people you hate! You wouldn’t want to be lumped in with them…
Lastly, I am going to assume that because of your beliefs, you know…the ‘hate and all’, that you must feel terribly isolated. I get it. The isolation gets to me too. Standing up for what we believe in is so lonely. I imagine not being able to speak freely and name call or even knock people out is so hard. Again, I’m sorry.
I do want to offer you one small piece of advice friend. Go public! Take this show on the road as they say. Stop hiding behind a fake profile and use your real name. You will get so much farther with your cause. I may not be an expert in many subjects but I do kick some butt on social media. My site Finding Cooper’s Voice reaches about a million people a week.
Because your stance is so incredibly taboo I am going to assume you are somewhat scared to shout this from the rooftops. Is that why you are hiding? I think you should rethink that. Go big or go home. Get on the news like me! Us advocates shouldn’t have to hide.
One last thank you. Your comment, although ignorant and disgusting, helps me further my mission. You are an amazing reminder of how for we have to go. But nevertheless, it can be so great when two parties can come together peacefully and discuss their differences. You brought hate and ignorance and I brought education and inclusion. Some would call us the perfect team. Please do stop by again. We have so much to learn from each other.
Sincerely, one advocate to another.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook and subscribe to our newsletter.
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Omg. Bravo! Love you, Cooper’s mom!
Love and appreciation,
Luke’s mom
That was a terrible response. People that don’t have a special needs child don’t understand what we encounter with our children. I had people come up to me in public and ask me if everything ok when my daughter has a meltdown.
Very graceful! Thank you! Love & MAD PROPS, Dylan’s Mom
This is the greatest response ever. You are a fantastic mom and advocate for Cooper. I definitely would have had a much different response.
This is also a huge fear for me. Dylan is 5 and high functioning but he cannot communicate feelings verbally or cope with or understand emotions so he hits, bites, kicks, spits, swears. He has a younger sister and I spend all day walking on eggshells keeping him at a level where he’s calm and happy to avoid his sister or myself getting physically attacked. While he’s 5 I can hold him away from me or his sister but what happens when he’s 12, 13, 14 and he still can’t control and cope with emotions. He’s getting no help from professionals (were in the UK) and I am drained. I feel his sister has to compromise all the time to keep Dylan calm and it’s very scary.
My sweet Kate i feel u ..i have the same fears, all of these time i was afraid the moment that my son would push kick out of anxiety some other kid ,until this time as im writing this comment i have experienced the opposite thing and the reactions are the same ”Blame the autistic”. Lack of education honey thats the problem that is going always be the problem .Parents who have typical kids will never educate themselves about special needs kids and they will never understand why my kid or your kid behaves the way they do ..and the reason is simple and sad ..What doesn’t affect them ..it doesnt exist. whatever detailed explanation you give or how many sorrys are you gonna say .
This was,by far, the best response to a hateful comment I have ever read. You are an incredible woman, Kate.
Well said
LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!
Your sarcasm in this piece delights me. ?
(I am also fluent in that language.)
Thanks for making me laugh today!
This was amazing! Thank you for your honesty. I have worked in one of those state run facilities. There are people there who care. But your fear is real-my biggest motivator when I worked there was “what if this was MY family member?” Then I treated each person like that. But that is not always the case. I’m not going to sugar coat-I was injured and more than once. That was a big reason I chose not to work there anymore. I have also worked in the school setting and with kids much like your son. Again my biggest motivator is “what if this was MY kid?” We push the students daily with therapy and learning and often see the melt downs and behaviors that result. There are great teachers and paras out there and I pray that Cooper has them! He has a great family to support him and the work you are doing is amazing and inspiring. With more of your message, maybe society can move past the judgement of disability and see the amazing kiddos instead.
You seem Luke such an amazing mom! Keep up the great work and you are right most of us believe in kindness and inclusion. I would be honored if my kids played with Cooper!
Great response! I know it is hard to take the high road, I often fail, and I’m proud of you for doing this.
This is so well written !! Best response to small minded people! You are an angel!! I send you all my love and good thoughts!!
You put a smile on my face and my heart! I send you and those you love peace and happiness around every corner!
God knew what he was doing when he chose you to be Coopers mom. ❤️❤️
@MICHELLE ^^ That’s exactly what I was thinking at the end of reading this response. Kate, you are the perfect mom for Cooper, it shows through in each and every video and even more with this exceptional response. You are living the quote, “be the change you want to see in the world”.
Well said! You are not alone. I’m a former special ed teacher. Enjoy your posts so much.
Great job! You are a hero to Cooper and an inspiration to many parents =)
Proud of you for having so much grace and courage when you fight the good fight for your son and for parents of kiddos with special needs. You’re an inspiration and the world needs more of you. Stay strong- lots of us affected by your powerful messages every single day!
You handled that amazingly! So much grace. Also love the sarcasm. It can be very hard to take the high road in situations like this, you handled it flawlessly. Thank you for being an amazing advocate for your son. You are very inspiring.
Thank you,
Tristan’s mom, Alyssa
Seriously, are we related, possible long lost sisters? I love everything about this, I especially love the people you reach and the encouragement you give, to most of us.
Wow..that was an incredible response…love it..I may use it somewhere you would never expect. I do not have a kiddo with autism but your message still rings true and I have learned so much. Right now I am dealing with my 90 yr old Mom. We have relocated her after my Dad passed away in March to a Senior Independent Living Facility where she is doing so well. I am so proud of her and yet bullying continues into old age. Mom has hearing aids which need to be checked ( we have an appt) She often can’t hear and is too polite to say anything. She ventured out to have dinner at the facility so she could meet other residents. The two women ignored her as she said she couldn’t hear and then told her “you won’t make any friends if you can’t hear” I guess once a mean girl always a mean girl. I need to respond like you did and somehow let go of the desire to rip this womans face off ( a little protective of my sweet Mama) Thanks for all you do!
I’m sorry you have to receive such hateful comments. I also have a son in the autism spectrum. Danny is 31. He’s doing so well (knock on wood). Things get better and encounters with idiots decrease substantially. I remember the very difficult years — 2 – 21. Progress can be slow, but your hard work (and his) eventually pays off big-time.