When Persistence Finally Starts To Pay Off

Many of you will look at this picture and see a boy drinking out of a cup and think…so what? This is a normal thing. How is that a big deal?

To a parent that has a kiddo that struggles with using a straw, drinking water, using a cup, swallowing, pooping, using his lips, frustration, fear, rigidity, learning, trying new things, regressing…this is so much more than a picture of a boy drinking out of a cup.

This is a picture of five long years of struggles finally coming together. This picture is hope. And perseverance. And reality.

Everything is a Learned Skill

Having an Autistic child has taught me to look at everything differently. I now understand that there are kiddos who have to learn every aspect of a skill. And it’s hard for them.

For example drinking from a straw is a hundred tiny little steps rolled into one. The hands have to work to hold the cup. The lips have to work to form the mouth around the straw. Then there is swallowing. I could go on and on. My eyes are open to how hard kids like mine work to master seemingly simple skills.

From ages one to six, Cooper only drank milk out of a certain type of sippy cup. He refused to drink any other beverage from any other cup.

I, along with his dad, family, countless therapists and teachers, have been working with Cooper on this skill for five years. Yes, you read that right. In our Autism world drinking water from a straw is a learned skill…and takes five long years of practice.

The Reasons Why

I am quite open about how my Autistic son doesn’t learn by simply observing or by curiosity. Every skill that Cooper uses has been taught by repetition, love and patience.

Why is this so important? Why not just let him drink milk from his favorite cup for the rest of his life? Why care so much? I’ve heard all these questions.

There are two main reasons and a dozen more little ones. There are the health reasons. Water is so important for digestion and for general health. Cooper’s constipation is a direct correlation of a ‘lethal’ amount of dairy. The stakes were high. Remove the milk or your kid gets a colostomy bag.

Then there are the frustrating parts of it. We felt so trapped by Cooper only drinking milk. We had to always have milk available. That means no grabbing a juice from a friend’s house during a visit. And of course, the use of only one type of cup. If we did buy milk at a gas station we had to have his cup readily available. If we forgot the cup we went home. And everywhere we went we had a cooler.

I firmly believe that two years ago Cooper would have dehydrated himself to a dangerous level if he didn’t have milk or his personal cup. That is how strong willed my child is. People in my life told me to wait him out. “Don’t give him milk or his cup. He’ll learn.” Years ago this wouldn’t have worked. It would have been dangerous.

And lastly, milk is a very messy beverage when the sippy cup is constantly being chewed apart. My whole entire house was covered in milk and reeked of it. Every couch, chair and even wall.

What We Tried

Like I said we’ve been working on trying new cups and new beverages for years. And I swear we tried everything. I think over the years we’ve purchased every Thomas themed cup. Dozen and dozens of different styles of cups. We’ve tried cold water. Room temperature water. Luke warm water. Flavored water. Watered down milk and juice. You name it. We’ve tried it. We tried bribing. Rewarding. And no matter what we couldn’t get him to drink water OR try a new type of cup.

As he got older it seemed to get harder too. His behaviors became more rigid over time. And his reactions to not getting what he wants…like milk in his cup…can warrant some pretty strong reactions.

My Secret

After years of beating my head against a brick wall working on skills with my Autistic son I want to tell you the secret I’ve learned.

In this case the problem isn’t so much the beverage or even the cup. It’s the child’s rigidity to trying new things. Trust me on that. Cooper drinks milk…therefore….in his mind….Cooper always drinks milk. And he always drinks it from HIS cup. Work on the rigidity first. Give them the skills to overcome that and then work on the actual skill.

The key is to help the child overcome the fear and resistance to trying the new skill. Because…the child is going to be resistant to whatever you bring. You can go broke and crazy trying to substitute. I did. I know it to be a fact because just this weekend I threw out 27 different styles of sippy cups. All of them never used.

We Finally Broke Through

I spent 90 devoted minutes throughout the day yesterday working with Cooper on drinking from his cup. It’s quite frustrating after all these years. Every single day of his life I consciously work on building skills like drinking from a cup, sitting at the table, putting on clothes, etc.

Because we work on skills every day I try and make it fun. Lots of tickles and clapping. So much positive reinforcement you’d think he just solved the world’s problems. I sit with him. And every tiny sip comes from a motivation. If he takes too big of a sip it will dribble out of his mouth. This is the Apraxia side. His mouth struggles to close tight around the straw and then close again after he removes the straw. If and when the water dribbles out he gets pretty frustrated by the wetness. We immediately have to clean it up.

In the 90 minutes he probably threw the cup a dozen times. He pushed it away. He runs off and hides it. He screams and kicks and head hits. And my job is to stay patient. Not pressure too much. Just entertain him and make it a game. He will take a sip and then try and hide the cup. Which I let him do. After a few minutes I find the cup and offer him another drink. It’s a slow, long, tedious process. But so worth it.

I am excited to say after five long years we had a breakthrough. Yes, in the past few months has has taken sips of water. Think of it more as him satisfying a required task…not drinking for thirst. Yesterday, this kid was told he had to drink half of his straw cup of water. We started right away in the morning. He smiled and signed ‘yes’ that he would try. And by the end of the day he has success!

I can’t even tell you the celebration we had. And the smiles on his face. He ran around the house and made his dad and brother both clap for him.

And I teared up. Yes, from the success. But also because his life is so damn hard. And we are doing it together. His success is my success.

This is Autism my friends. A kid that wants nothing more than to reach success but still struggles to do so. And a mom that refuses to give up. Another secret for you…Our families patience, love perseverance, and positive attitude are just as important…and maybe even more, than the actual skill. Because without a village rallied around Cooper we would get nowhere.

Do I get tired of it? Yup. Do I get sick of sitting on the floor and ‘arguing’ with a six year old about drinking water? Yup. But every day I try again. And I will continue to push him until he reaches his limits. I’ll never stop.

Talk about delayed gratification.