The Truth about Special Needs Parenting

There are no medals given out to special needs moms. It’s not like you do all this and at the end you get an award. There are very few breaks. Very few kudos. And in my world even fewer thank you’s. For some moms there are no hugs. Or kisses. But you do it. You keep fighting. It’s a mixture of hope and desperation. And not a day goes by when you don’t wonder…‘Am I doing the right things for my child?’ And here is the truth. I didn’t get a…

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An Honest Look at Playing with Cooper

I took this video of Cooper last night. We were ‘playing’ trains. I have so many memories of setting up this train track with Cooper and thanking God that he played with something. And telling therapists that he was fine because he played with toys. I was lying to myself. Lying to them. I set the train track up. I put all the trains together. If one thing is off he will destroy the track and throw every single piece. There is no putting things in the trains. No stopping…

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"Where's Cooper?"

I’m sobbing right now. I can’t even summarize how this video makes me feel. I’m not there in the journey yet. Every morning Sawyer wakes up and says, ‘Where’s Cooper?” He genuinely cares and wants to see his brother. And my heart hurts every single time because I don’t believe Cooper knows he has a brother. Cooper wouldn’t notice if Sawyer was gone. He wouldn’t question it even in a nonverbal way. I was gone for 5 days last week and got home late on Friday night. When Cooper woke up…

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Trusting the Process

Cooper started Occupational Therapy last night. More therapy. More forms. More time. More time away from Sawyer. More everything. I want to be positive. I want to trust the process. I want to believe that it will work. But…. I kinda, sorta think I have the only kid that therapy won’t help. Less than a year ago we were doing speech 3 times a week and OT as well. We were doing social groups and ECFE and IEPs and parent groups. And it didn’t work. I think it actually did more…

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Mother's Day. Sigh.

This is the 4th year that I have been a mama. I spent a good chunk of yesterday thinking about Cooper’s past birthdays. About all the holidays. And Halloweens. God I hate Halloween now. Any event where Cooper has to participate is the devil to me. Expectations kill me. Valentines Day. No valentines for us. And Easter Egg hunts. And then I thought about the future. This kid is going to be five. He has no words. He has very little awareness. He is going to lose his first tooth soon. And…

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