Tricking Dr. Google
I was chatting with a wonderful mom over at My Yellow Brick Road the other day about our autistic boys. Facebook messaging with her is so amazing for me. I can be honest and open and I don’t need to preface every sentence with, “I swear I’m not a bad mom” or “Don’t judge me.” It’s refreshing. And she gets it.
I tend to be obsessive about Cooper. It’s kind of my thing. Pre diagnosis I would research everything. I googled things like, “nonverbal at age 3, nonverbal at age 4, my kid doesn’t talk, etc.” Every answer came back with Autism. I would try changing the searches. “Nonverbal at 3 makes eye contact” or “no words but points.” Same thing. Autism. Blah. Freaking Dr. Google is an idiot, right?
But in my head, it didn’t make sense that Cooper made eye contact and pointed. Even to this day I don’t fully understand. He doesn’t struggle with following a point or pointing to what he wants. So when I googled I would always mention these things. I was straight up trying to trick Google. Jokes on this mama though. It’s not like I could bring copies of Google to the doctor…“see, he doesn’t have autism…it says so right here.” I picture myself waving it around like a lunatic…blah, blah, blah.
So, if you need help googling…give me a call. My expertise are all yours!
I haven’t googled since we got the diagnosis. I haven’t sought out different therapies or tried fish oil again or went gluten free. Nope. I’ve just sorta let us be in the moment. I’ve slowed down reading blogs and I most definitely haven’t bought the autism books that his therapist recommended.
I don’t need a book to tell me what to do or think. Don’t get me wrong, I will take all the help I can get but at this point I can’t sit down and read about it. I can barely say the words, “Cooper has autism.” I just need to absorb the diagnosis and accept that the future is unknown.
I do need moms like Jill and Kim (Landon’s Journey) though. I need to be obsessive at times. And I need it to be ok that I am obsessing. I need to be able to get excited about new therapies and focus on the bad and cry and wonder why this had to happen to my kid. And I can’t do it alone. A support system is huge.
Positives…
Something so miraculous happened this weekend that I am almost giddy as I type it. Actually three things happened. How often does this mama get to type that?!
First, Cooper rode a 4 wheeler with his brother and I. Meaning, I drove, Cooper sat in front of me and Sawyer sat in front of him. Normally…typically…Cooper would kick and scream and push Sawyer away. It’s most likely a sensory thing and I HATE it. But we got a break from it this weekend. I was able to drive BOTH my boys around. I actually had tears in my eyes. I kept kissing both their heads and tickling them. I even pushed my luck and tried to get them to hold hands. That lasted 4 seconds. #sheshootsshescores
And then last night Sawyer and I were playing a game where we touch tongues. Yes, weird and probably disgusting but Sawyer thought it was hilarious. We would touch tongues and he would giggle and laugh. And then we’d make funny noises and do it again. So amazing. While we were doing this Cooper was watching Cars right next to us. I called him over and asked him to show me his tongue. And he did. Then I said, ‘watch brother and mommy. Can you do this?’ And just like that he stuck his tongue out and touched mine and laughed.
Now this is such a simple concept…and if you don’t have a special needs kiddo it probably seems silly. But it’s not. He mimicked. He joined. He laughed. He tried. He enjoyed. And this mama had tears in her eyes.
Lastly, Cooper decided he now wants to play with a truck. He has even slept with it a few times. Just seeing him driving a truck around on the ground is amazing. Jamie called me over when it started and said, “this is new.” ::SIGH:: Little tiny victories still count!
Doesn’t sound like a tiny victory to me. Those are things to shout about. Seeing our special needs children behave like a typical child, even if for only a second is a moment worth taking note of. Regarding your picture quotation…I often wanted to run away when my son (who is autistic) was small. Raising him was almost more than I could handle. But if you hold on tight, it does get easier, much easier. It just takes time, but the rewards are great! The payoff will make every tear and every tantrum (his and yours) seem like mere dreams of that past. You can do it!
Tiny victories are wonderful and I’m crying for you! I remember that feeling and it’s awesome!
<3
Beautiful news re Cooper:)
Little victories do count, every single one of them. Those little glimpses are like the brightest rays of sunshine. As for the support of people who just get it – that’s so very vital. Keep those ladies close! PS….I haven’t read those autism books either, and we’re two years in. I learned from my preemie that EVERY child will follow his own path. When reading the books makes you crazy, put them aside. Hugs!
Amen! I still haven’t read Cooper’s full diagnosis report. I read it in stages. I know what’s in there and seeing it in print is a tough pill to swallow. I hope you are doing well!
I understand your excitement about all 3 of those things. When they happen enjoy them and don’t at all feel shy about sharing your stories with other people. Our kids victories are just as important as other peoples kids accomplishments.
So true!
EVERY moment counts, all those small, new things. Parents of typical kids don’t always understand because they are just what is expected. For us Special moms we have a world of wonder and amazement that so many are missing out on (in my opinion).
I was recently reminiscing and watching old videos of my little one (apraxia, SPD) and seeing the progress she has made and how those videos of learning to say “No” was SUCH a HUGE moment. Celebrate all those “small” moments with a smile and tears. We have all been there and will continue to be right alongside you! Love this post and “Dr. Google” which btw I always want to warn new moms to beware of but I know they just won’t listen *smile* and thats ok too. I know I didn’t when I was new to dx.
This comment made me smile! It’s so true! I think this is a journey that moms have to navigate alone to a certain point and then we find each other! And it’s a life saver!
Yay for the victories! And, I wouldn’t downplay them, it doesn’t sound like they are small at all – they seem like really big victories to me!
Thanks lady! I hope you are doing well!
Dr. Google and I have a love hate relationship. When he says what I want to hear I latch on. Glad to hear I’m not the only one utilizing Dr. Google.