Baby Book Guilt

I am a very sentimental person. Always have been always will. (Sorry hubs, not going to change!) I take way too many pictures and keep way to many souvenirs. I am a sucker for mushy lovey dovey stuff.

So, I have been feeling like a real slacker lately because I am way behind on Sawyer’s baby book. My boys are growing up so fast.

Heck, I am even behind on developing pictures. And this is so not me.

I’d like to blame it on the fact that I have two extremely active kids, a busy job, a full life, etc. But honestly, that’s not the reason why.

I loved doing Cooper’s baby book. I put so much time into it. Every page is filled out and I included all the cute things he’s done as well as pictures. I even kept it out for the longest time so I could fill in stuff as it happened.

And then I started to notice that all the milestones had to do with talking. Up until age 2, I was OK with it. I knew in my heart the words were coming so I just kept waiting. And then Cooper turned 2 and I had Sawyer and the whole language delay blew up in my face.

I had to put his baby book away. I just couldn’t bear to look at it.

I felt like it was just a reminder of the things he couldn’t do.

I was cleaning out Sawyer’s closet this past weekend and I stumbled upon his baby book. I pulled it out and paged through it. Almost all of the pages are empty. I know in my heart that I need to start working on it. I’ve been avoiding it because each milestone is a reminder of what Cooper isn’t doing.

Sawyer is babbling and talking and I am so thankful and happy and I want to remember and document every second of it. I want to celebrate him.

But, wow, is it hard to hear my 1 year old say things that my 3 year old can’t. It actually hurts. Like physical pain. And the anger. It’s indescribable.

I’m not angry in anyway at Sawyer or Cooper. Just angry at the situation. I need to remind myself that I can’t put Sawyer’s life on pause. He is his own person too. And he’s smart and bright and it’s not fair to him if I ignore it.

And you can bet that when Cooper says his first word, says the ABC’s and sings his first song I am going to be one proud mama. And I am going to be a sobbing mess as I write the dates in his book. And most likely shouting “my son said his first word” from a rooftop!

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