November 30, 2013

Stop Talking to Your Child

150During the two-week wait for the hearing aids our lives got turned upside down. I call this the beginning of the end. The school district came to our house and introduced us to a deaf teacher. This person would help Cooper. She was very, very nice. I actually really like her. We also met a woman from Minnesota Hands and Voices. Also, very nice. But as this progressed we started hearing weird things.

Here were the worst two:

  • You may want to stop speaking to Cooper and switch completely to signing.
  • Cooper should probably be enrolled in a preschool for the deaf  where signing is the primary language. It would also be only available to kids with special needs.

This is where I drew the line. Cooper could hear. Even if he did have a mild hearing loss, he could hear 90% of what was happening. I would watch him outside point to airplanes and birds. He heard our dogs before me. Yes, I would sign to him.No problem. But stop talking to him. Are you crazy?

We also received a video about working with your deaf child. This video traumatized me. I drank a whole bottle of wine and cried. And then drank some more wine. I started to get really angry. I refused to cooperate with what needed to happen. I had brief thoughts of moving away. Away from all of this madness. We could live somewhere else and start fresh. Crazy.

I decided right after my wine and the video that I was never going to treat Cooper any different. I would never expect any less from him than any other kid. And that meant I had to tell people. Our parents already knew of course but we decided to tell our closest friends. It was hard. These are the friends that have the fast-talking advanced girls. It was hard to tell them that Cooper had a hearing loss. I was never embarrassed. I was just sad. And angry. And jealous that their kids were fine. It all added up.

So, I ordered books. I watched YouTube videos. (remember, i’m obsessed with research!) I got information on toddler signing. I was doing this. No half assing for me.

Don’t let me fool you. I was still so sad. But I had grieved for almost 3 weeks now. Time to suck it up and put on my big girl pants.

When we picked up the hearing aids I was positive. I was strong on the outside.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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