I Don't Want To Be Super Mom Today

362daf05657b9afd6d23db65e104025eI was told at the beginning of this process (or maybe it was the middle) that I wasn’t taking the help that was available to me for Cooper. This was said to me by someone pretty close in our lives. She went onto tell me that I was living in denial and I wasn’t get Cooper the help that he needed.

When she said this to me it was like one of those slow motion moments where time stops. I could practically see the words hanging in the air. I remember looking at her and thinking, ‘I am going to kill you. This is it. I am going to go to jail and never see my kids again because I am going to kill you.’

At the time, we were doing speech three times a week, occupational therapy one time a week, a one hour preschool class one time a week and a parent class one time a week. Plus, daycare 3 days a week, working, oh, and nursing a 20 lb. baby. I had shared with her that it was suggested to us that Cooper start a special education preschool and I didn’t think it was the right time. And honestly, at the time it was too much for me to comprehend. I mean, Cooper was 2. How would I get him there for one? My brain couldn’t go there. I needed time to think and process.

How dare this person tell me this? I am his mother. The amount that I do for this kid should put me at Super Mom status.

I can’t even put into words the amount of energy that goes into being the mom of a special needs child. And half the time, these moms are doing it all with a broken heart. It would be so much easier if there wasn’t so much emotion involved.

Last night I was filling out what seemed like the hundredth evaluation form. This one was on sensory issues. Does your child always, sometimes, occasionally, frequently, never, do this? BARF.

Then I moved onto opening up medical bills and moving money around our checking accounts to pay the never ending payments. And then I started to wrap my brain around how Jamie and I are going to manage work tomorrow while carting Cooper to his evaluation at the school. And then I started to think about calling all of Cooper’s therapy places and asking them to send his records to a new doctor we are seeing in May. And then it was too much. The idea of finding all of those phone numbers and fax numbers made me nauseous. I decided to wait on that one.

And when all that was done, I let myself feel sad and overwhelmed. And in a way, it’s comforting to get there at the end of the day. It means I survived and I get to worry about the next day.

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Kate Swenson

Kate Swenson lives in Minnesota with her husband Jamie, and four children, Cooper, Sawyer, Harbor and Wynnie. Kate launched Finding Cooper's Voice from her couch while her now 11-year-old son Cooper was being diagnosed with autism. Back then it was a place to write. Today it is a living, thriving community of people who want to not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. Her first book, Forever Boy, will be released, April 5, 2022.

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3 Comments

  1. Laura on April 23, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    I had a family member tell me once that “it must be nice” that I didn’t have to pay for preschool for Ashlynn. I was furious!! I get you mama, and I think you are a super mom.



  2. lizchirichiello on April 26, 2014 at 1:22 am

    I wish I started blogging years ago. So many of your blogs sound so familiar as I was doing the same things not too long ago. I have two boys with special needs and I totally get where your coming from!



    • Avatar photo findingcoopersvoice on April 28, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      Welcome! The blogging world has changed my life. Just when I feel like my real life people can’t ‘get’ where I am emotionally a mother out there in cyber world will understand. It’s amazing!